I Might Just Do It for Fun

30-ish mom slamming purse down in front of young teen boy: Excuse me!
Teen: Yeah?
Mom: You will stop harrassing my son [points outside to younger boy] immediately. Do you understand?!
Teen: What?
Mom: Don’t follow him, call him ‘gay,’ call him anything — just don’t talk to him.
Teen: What?
Mom: Look, I’m not like the other mothers around here. I’m not polite. I’m crazy. Super psycho crazy and I don’t give up.
Teen, intimidated: Okay.
Mom, leaning in: I have a dent in the front of my car, and I’m not afraid to put another one next to it — get my drift?

Starbucks
Westwood, New Jersey

Posted on February 15, 2015
Crazies, New Jersey, Threats

We’re Going in after It

Lunching woman to another: So, Ellen*, what’re you gonna do about your cow’s undescended testicle?

Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Glynda

Posted on February 6, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey

Britney Mix-a-Lot Needed a Lot of Therapy

Coworker: My daughter tried on a pair of pants this weekend. She asked me if her butt looked too big, because if it didn’t, she needed a smaller size.

56 Haddon Avenue
Haddonfield, New Jersey

Overheard by: Jane

Posted on February 5, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, New Jersey

Amanda Hugginkiss Had Responded and Was Befuddled by the Accusation

Manager: We’ve noticed that you haven’t responded to the anonymous survey. We’d like your feedback as soon as possible.

32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on February 4, 2015
Bosses, Lies, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Philosophy

In the Subway, for Example

Adorable PA: Seriously, though, maybe you need a good, physically visible Eros love influence in your life. I learn by rubbing off on people. Maybe you do too?

Newark, New Jersey

Posted on February 2, 2015
Advice, Education, Employees, Feelings, New Jersey

Got It, John

Female sales rep: And that's Joan, j-o-a-n, not j-o-n-e.

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Posted on January 26, 2015
General Idiocy, Names, New Jersey, Sales, Words

Kind of a Toxic Waste of Everybody’s Time

Reporter: I can’t get away from effin’ Bernie Smith*. Every time the man farts, the attorney general calls me!

Newsroom
Ocean County, New Jersey

Overheard by: inothernews

Posted on January 23, 2015
Consultants, Gripes, New Jersey

…to a Neoclassical One.

Cube rat, talking about upcoming office picnic: I dunno man, I've always preferred a traditional keg stand.

New Jersey

Overheard by: looking forward to the festivities

Posted on January 20, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Drinking, New Jersey

…Anymore.

Store manager: Someone smells like a hamster!
Startled employee: What?
Store manager, sniffing startled employee: It's you! You smell like a hamster!
Startled employee: I don't own a hamster.

Toy Store
Bridgewater, New Jersey

Overheard by: Startled Customer

Posted on January 16, 2015
Animals, Bosses, Compare and contrast, Employees, New Jersey, Sensory Experiences

But Together…

Portly woman #1: You want half? It's thick, seriously… I can't finish that off.
Portly woman #2: I don't know if I'm up for that kinda mouthful today.

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Posted on January 14, 2015
Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality