Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.
Edison, New Jersey
Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.
Edison, New Jersey
Coworker, seeing guy in the hall: Hey, Jeff! Aren't you in China?
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Worker #1: Where's Tina*? (administrative assistant)?
Worker #2: She's out sick. She broke her leg, so we shot her.
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: HR Min
30-ish mom slamming purse down in front of young teen boy: Excuse me!
Teen: Yeah?
Mom: You will stop harrassing my son [points outside to younger boy] immediately. Do you understand?!
Teen: What?
Mom: Don’t follow him, call him ‘gay,’ call him anything — just don’t talk to him.
Teen: What?
Mom: Look, I’m not like the other mothers around here. I’m not polite. I’m crazy. Super psycho crazy and I don’t give up.
Teen, intimidated: Okay.
Mom, leaning in: I have a dent in the front of my car, and I’m not afraid to put another one next to it — get my drift?
Starbucks
Westwood, New Jersey
Lunching woman to another: So, Ellen*, what’re you gonna do about your cow’s undescended testicle?
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Glynda
Coworker: My daughter tried on a pair of pants this weekend. She asked me if her butt looked too big, because if it didn’t, she needed a smaller size.
56 Haddon Avenue
Haddonfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jane
Manager: We’ve noticed that you haven’t responded to the anonymous survey. We’d like your feedback as soon as possible.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Adorable PA: Seriously, though, maybe you need a good, physically visible Eros love influence in your life. I learn by rubbing off on people. Maybe you do too?
Newark, New Jersey
Female sales rep: And that's Joan, j-o-a-n, not j-o-n-e.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Reporter: I can’t get away from effin’ Bernie Smith*. Every time the man farts, the attorney general calls me!
Newsroom
Ocean County, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
