Metro Northeast

Boss: Where is [Blake] today?

Girl in cube: I don’t know. He didn’t text me. I think he’s too embarrassed.

Boss: Why? Did you guys end up making out in front of everyone again at happy hour?

Girl in cube: No! Give me a little credit.

[Long pause]

Girl in cube: It was in a cab.

350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Suit #1: Why didn’t you call me?
Suit #2: I didn’t have your number.
Suit #1: If you called me I could have given it to you.

32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

CSR: I just got one of those uh, uh, NAFTA things. What does that stand for? National Automobile–
Supervisor: Um, I think it’s North American Free Trade Agreement. Or Association. One of those two.
CSR: Are you sure it’s not National Automobile something?
Supervisor: I think you’re thinking of NASCAR?
CSR: Ahh, yes.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, NewJersy

Overheard by: office peon

Doctor #1: Where did you say the patient has been recently?
Doctor #2: Ummmmm, Ghana? Something like that?
Doctor #1: So, Africa.
Doctor #2: No, South America.

525 E 68th Street
New York, New York

Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.

225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Am I Next

Supervisor: Just do whatever’s easier for you.
Word processor: It’s easiest to do it this way, ’cause then I don’t have to think.
Supervisor: Well, you want to think a little bit…
Word processor: Nah, not really.

1 World Financial Center
New York, New York

Office drone #1: So my new next door neighbor’s name is Amanda and she has a 2-year-old named Mercedes.
Office drone #2: Good luck keeping that one off the pole.

15 Washington Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

Employee #1: What the fuck. This sandwich is impossible.
Employee #2: It looks like a big, gaping vagina.
Employee #1: It’s like eating out a big vagina. Look! Chunks are falling off!
Employee #2: Your sandwich has an STD! Like hooker poon.
Employee #3, holding identical sandwich missing a single bite: Well, looks like I’m done. If anyone wants my dirty vagina sandwich you’re welcome to it. Thanks for the lunch convo.

Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kathryn

Coworker: So, has the National Guard taught you head shots yet?
UPS guy: Nah, but we’re gonna start with civilians.

17 Battery Place
New York, New York

Overheard by: Kona Gallagher

Trader #1, wearing yarmulke: …and your business is in Brooklyn?
Trader #2: No, Brooklyn is where the yams hang out. You know, your people.

200 Vesey Street
New York, New York