Employee #1: She turned around and said to the supervisor, “She just yelled at me.” I was like, “I didn’t yell at you!” I said it in front of the supervisor, but I didn’t care. I didn’t yell at her…That’s how people get locked up! People saying you did things you didn’t do. That’s how you go to jail.
Employee #2: Um, yeah.
130 East 59th Street
New York, New York
Customer: What’s the difference between fiction and nonfiction? I always forget.
Dumbfounded coworker: Ummmm, nonfiction is true and fiction isn’t.
Next customer. . .
Coworker: Hi, do you need help?
Customer: Yeah, are we on the east coast or the west coast?
Dumfounded coworker: east coast [rolls eyes].
Customer: Then why do you sell books on west coast birds?
Angry manager: Because people like to go on vaction to bird watch.
Customer: That’s stupid. I don’t even know why my wife wants to look at these stupid birds anyway.
Angry manager to dumbfounded coworker: It’s gonna be one of those days, isn’t it?
Dumbfounded coworker: Yeah, all the retards are out tonight.
425 Jerico Turnpike
Syosset, New York
Manager: If we are going to appeal to the youth market, we are going to have to euthanize our marketing materials.
Associate: That means to kill people.
Manager: Whatever.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Sales guy, entering a meeting: Sorry I’m late…
Director of marketing: You brought doughnuts? Coffee?
Sales guy: No.
Director of marketing: Then you’re dead to us. Get out.
105 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Co-worker: Oh, you know how he is… Yeah, that’s a great word to describe him: wanker.
Madison, Connecticut
Techie, answering phone: Hello, this is Brenda*…No, I wasn’t just speaking to someone on the phone… I’m positive; I work in IT so I rarely talk to anyone.
100 Sylvan Road
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: June Bug
Tech support: Can you tell if it’s an Ethernet cable or a phone cable?
Customer: How do I tell?
Tech support: Well, if you hold it up to the cable attached to your phone and you look at the plug, if it looks the same, you’ve got a phone cable. If it’s bigger, it’s probably Ethernet.
Customer: Oh cool. Let me look.
Tech support: WAIT! [dial tone]
711 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Drone #1: Hey, where were you Saturday night? The ladies were all up on this.
Drone #2: I went to a birthday party.
Drone #1: Hehehehe… What a dumb waste of time. Whose birthday party was it?
Drone #2: Mine.
Drone #1: Oh… Happy birthday.
377 South Oyster Bay Road
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: tonyg
