Insults

Customer (on speaker): But it's too expensive, it isn't fair! I can't afford it. Can't I just pay you half?
Insurance rep: No, the premium for your vehicle is $435.60. You have to pay the full amount.
Customer: Can you find a way so I can just pay $200? That's all I can afford!
Insurance rep: No. You can't just pay any amount you want. You need to pay what you owe.
(this goes on for 10 minutes)
Insurance rep: Well, fine, if you can't afford to pay the insurance for your car maybe you should sell it and take the damn bus.
Customer: What? What did you just say to me?
Insurance rep: I'll transfer you to my manager.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Working bee, quietly: Santa Claus, you cunt!

King Street
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: highly amused

Coworker #1, holding small letter opener: Do you have one of these, only smaller?
Coworker #2: What's wrong with that one?
Coworker #1: It's too thick. I can't fit in in the smaller slits and it tears the whole thing apart most of the time.
Coworker #3: I had a boyfriend like that once.
Coworker #2: What the fuck?

Santa Ana, California

Overheard by: errica

Old bald lawyer to younger lawyer: I'm waiting for John Smith*, this son of a bitch who…
Third lawyer, strolling up, extending hand: Hi! Pleased to meet you! I'm that son of a bitch!

Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Woman at office party: She's got that psychological syndrome where she uses sex to get what she wants from men… What do they call that again?
Man: A whore.

Dario's Restaurant
Rockville Centre, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

New airport paging/information clerk: Paging passenger Emerson Bigguns, passenger Emerson Bigguns. Please call airport information from the nearest white courtesy phone.
(pregnant pause) Fuck!

Airport
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: YGBSM

(director of sales and marketing flips off female programmer)
Female programmer: Don't even finger me!
(rampant laughter)

Keene, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Monkey

Executive assistant: So I'm going to a different lab this time, so I don't get the bitchy Nazi titty tech.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: grabbed mine and kept on walking

Manager of TV company: I like Val Kilmer but his rep can kiss both sides of my ass.

Burbank, California

Lesbian #1: You should get a Subaru. Come on…join the club.
Lesbian #2: I don't really want a Subaru.
Angry straight coworker: Don't get a Subaru. Dude, you people take everything! First you take the rainbow. Now Subarus! What the fuck?

Richmond, California

Overheard by: B $