Operator: Am I turning the conference over to you?
CEO: Yes.
Operator: And what title would you like to be associated with your name?
CEO: Supreme Commander.
Engineer: She thinks he’s kidding.
Operator: So what title would you really like?
CEO: Supreme Commander.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Engineer #1: Congratulations, I heard you got married this week.
Engineer #2: Thanks, man. It was one of the best days of my life.
Engineer #1: Aren’t you African though? I didn’t know African people got married.
6575 The Corners Pkwy
Norcross, Georgia
A memo went out stating the upstairs bathrooms will be shut down for one week to redo the walls, sinks and plumbing. An executive tries to barge in anyway.
Union guy: You can’t go in there.
Executive: Don’t you know who I am?
450 W. 33rd Street
New York, NY
In respose to several of our wholesale customers reporting strong on-line sales in December; Boss: We do all the work and they make all the money? We have a website too and it’s time we started reminding these people of that! We need to be making a hell of a lot more money areound here than we are now. Time to start firing a few of these so-called “Top Customers”. That’ll fucking show ’em who’s boss!
800 Boylston Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Manager: I’m going to be turning in my old laptop for a new one. I want to get another IBM, one of the ultralight ones.
Techie: We’re not leasing IBMs anymore. We’re currently leasing HPs and Dells.
Manager: I don’t like the HPs and I really want an IBM. How can I get one?
Techie: Well…you would need to provide us with a medical reason and a doctor’s note.
10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Stealth Nerf
Co-worker #1: Well, well, that’s an interesting name! What backround is that?
Co-worker #2: It’s Turkish.
Co-worker #1: Really! That’s so interesting, because I just spent the last twenty years in Germany and there are apparently a lot of Turks there. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one, but there are supposed to be a lot of them there.
165 Markham Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Girl: This whole thing is such a tragedy.
Guy: I know, I actually have some old friends there that survived, luckily.
Girl: Where is Tsunami, anyways?
21 Spectrum Pointe
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: Brandon Walter
Investment Banker (on phone): What? Are you sure? I really don’t think you are in labor and I have plans…What that means is that I really want to recruit this guy and I am going to continue having drinks with him. Call me in two hours…No, I am not going to meet you at the hospital. These things take forever…I’ll be there when it’s Go time, not until then.
9 West 57th Street
New York, NY
Guy #1: God, I’m so tired. I feel like I just ran the Tour de France.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to see you get hit by a bunch of bikes.
737 Main St.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: chris b
Customer: So where in the instruction manual does it tell me to save the receipt?
Customer Service Rep.: You’re kidding me, right? You mean to say that you have to be told to save your receipt?
Customer: Yes, I do.
Customer Service Rep.: So, if you were to go out and buy a roll of toilet paper, it would have to say “Tear here, wipe there” or else you wouldn’t know how to use it? Because both are pretty much common sense, sir.
835 41st Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: christiana (while doing remote observations on customer service calls)
