General Idiocy

Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn’t working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It’s simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you’ve been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It’s easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see… [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in — stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it’s dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I’m a professional. We’ll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay… [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver’s magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It’s a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you’re away for most of the year.

CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits ‘wake up’ signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.

Caller: That’s amazing! Who’d have thought… a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.

Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama

Cube dweller #1, complaining about printer repair guy: No one can understand what he’s saying! He’s completely tone deaf!
Cube dweller #2: Well, he’s… deaf. He reads lips.
Cube dweller #1: Oh, yeah.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: this isn’t american idol

Cube dweller #1: Hey, I’m a people person.
Cube dweller #2: What are you talking about? You’re a make-fun-of-people person!

1000 East 116th Street
Carmel, Indiana

Mailman: Is this the 3rd floor?
Receptionist: No, this is the 2nd floor.
Mailman: But isn't the next floor like the …4th floor?
Receptionist: No, that's the 3rd floor.
Mailman (confused): Yo, man, that's weird.

Richmond Street
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: front desk

Boss: Where’s [Justin]?
Employee: He’s up my ass…want to tickle his feet?

800 Livingston Avenue
North Brunswick, New Jersey

Coworker: Yeah, doing the Yoda voice in bed the other night wasn't received very well.

New Orleans, Louisiana

Peon: Hey, I can't look at our webpage without the browser crashing.
IT manager: Which browser?
Peon: Ff 4.
IT manager: What?
Peon: Firefox 4.
IT manager: What's a Firefox?
Peon: Uh, let's pretend I said IE.

South Morang
Australia

Boss: Why do you have a new BlackBerry?
Salesperson: Because I am awesome.
Boss: You don't even know how to use it, do you?
Salesperson: Uh… No.

Augusta, Georgia

QA agent: Can you remind the agents to put their comments in apprentices?
Team leader: In what?
QA agent: Apprentices. You know, the bracket things.
Team leader: Uhhh… Yeah, sure.

4 Mangrove Way
Montego Bay
Jamaica

Overheard by: Not an apprentice

Supervisor: So you and your brother have different fathers, then?
Worker: Yeah.
Supervisor: So you guys are related through your mom.
Worker: Naw, not really.
Supervisor: Wait, so how are you guys related, then?
Worker: I dunno. We’re just brothers.

3901 Via Oro Avenue
Long Beach, California

Overheard by: bored on first day of work