Dumb Bosses

Everybody Knows It’s “I-N-N-E-R-N-E-T”

Employee #1, looking at intranet option of business transactions menu: Hey, look! Heh. These morons spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Employee #2: No, they didn’t.
Employee #1: Yes, they did. See?
Employee #2: No, an intranet is different than the Internet. It’s sort of like a private version of the Internet for corporations and organizations.
Employee #1: Oh, seriously? Damn, look at you, making me feel all stupid and shit. I’ve never heard of that before in my life. I bet you’re the only one here who knows that. Look, I’ll prove it to you. [Calls boss over.] Look, they spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Boss: Oh, I know! Isn’t it funny? Yeah, those morons at corporate can’t spell!

Hackensack, New Jersey

When the Boss Is Happy, We Can All Relax

Boss, quietly singing: I’m a chubby little monkey, monkey, monkey — I’m a chubby little monkey…

Harris Street
Pyrmont
Australia

Overheard by: i am too!

The Year the Death Camps Came to Western Pennsylvania

Owner, to worker bee: I was told it was a good idea, so I thought it was a good idea.

Music store
Western Pennsylvania

Overheard by: tyronepower

Which Is Why I Had You Read That Book on Smoke Signals

Coworker: Here’s the information you wanted.
Boss: I don’t want paper — it’ll get lost on my desk.
Coworker: Do you want me to e-mail them to you?
Boss: No! It’ll get lost in my inbox.
Coworker: So to get this straight, you don’t want the info on paper or e-mail?

Washington

I’m Going to Appeal

Boss: I’m on the banana.

Library
Virginia

You’re Too Hard on Yourself, Marcia

Shop foreman: I wish I was a woman so I could be pretty.

I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas

Overheard by: Jocelyn

… In Kangaroo Court

Lawyer: Does it smell in here?
Secretary: Yeah, it smells like bacon.
Lawyer: It smells like the kind of bacon grasshoppers eat.

Bridgewater, New Jersey

I Was Doing a Little Recreational Bleeding into My Brain

Creative director: I’m trying not to push myself today. I kind of had a spinal tap at three A.M.

29th Street
New York, New York

Fortune Cookies Are Getting More and More Gay-Positive

Queer boss to new female employee: Don’t waste your time being a man who has sex with women.

Boston, Massachusetts

If We Keep Talking in Circles, the Truth Will Throw Up

CR manager: The membership grade is effective for a year from the grad date that they told us, but I don’t think they’ll remember the grad date they said… But it’s not actually a year…
Ad manager: But it’s good for a year. Doesn’t it update automatically?
CR manager: It is automatic, except when it isn’t. It only gets updated once a year, so it may be good for over a year.
Ad manager: So we can’t say a year if it isn’t a year.

14 Fairfield Drive
Brookfield, Connecticut

Overheard by: all ears

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