Manager: If man were meant to wear pants, then dogs would wear pants, too.
Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Manager: If man were meant to wear pants, then dogs would wear pants, too.
Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Manager: Oh, oh! Are you coughing?
Gagging cube rat: No… I’m… Choking…
Manager, walking on: Oh, good, I thought you were getting sick, too.
4th Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Director: I’d like to announce that Albert*, our intern for the summer, is leaving to go back to school. His last day will be Friday. We are going to miss you here! [Team claps.]Intern: Um, actually, I’ve decided not to go back to school. I’m moving to Israel.
Manager: Why are you moving to Israel? It’s not exactly a safe place to be right now.
Intern: I feel that I need to go and support my people.
Manager: But you’re not Jewish. You’re Russian.
Intern: Yes, I am Russian, and I am also Jewish. That’s what this yarmulke is for [points to head.]
11th Street and Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: i can’t believe i work here
Superior, after staring at his computer screen for 10 minutes: Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit!
North Division Street
Peekskill, New York
CEO discussing a potential partner: I think they’re more pregnant with us than they’d care to admit.
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Employee #1, looking at intranet option of business transactions menu: Hey, look! Heh. These morons spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Employee #2: No, they didn’t.
Employee #1: Yes, they did. See?
Employee #2: No, an intranet is different than the Internet. It’s sort of like a private version of the Internet for corporations and organizations.
Employee #1: Oh, seriously? Damn, look at you, making me feel all stupid and shit. I’ve never heard of that before in my life. I bet you’re the only one here who knows that. Look, I’ll prove it to you. [Calls boss over.] Look, they spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Boss: Oh, I know! Isn’t it funny? Yeah, those morons at corporate can’t spell!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Boss, quietly singing: I’m a chubby little monkey, monkey, monkey — I’m a chubby little monkey…
Harris Street
Pyrmont
Australia
Overheard by: i am too!
Owner, to worker bee: I was told it was a good idea, so I thought it was a good idea.
Music store
Western Pennsylvania
Overheard by: tyronepower
Coworker: Here’s the information you wanted.
Boss: I don’t want paper — it’ll get lost on my desk.
Coworker: Do you want me to e-mail them to you?
Boss: No! It’ll get lost in my inbox.
Coworker: So to get this straight, you don’t want the info on paper or e-mail?
Washington
Boss: I’m on the banana.
Library
Virginia
