Child: Zombies have an erection.
Therapist: A what?
Child: They have an erection.
Therapist: Yes, they have a resurrection.
Child: God had an erection too.
Therapist: Yes, I suppose he had one too.
Child: God had one and now he has powers.
Queens, New York
Coworker: I don’t really feel guilt. But then again, I’m kind of a sociopath.
Walpole, New Hampshire
Coworker #1: I had the worst case of diarrhea while I was gone.
Coworker #2: Ohmigod! Where at?
Coworker #1: On the plane.
Coworker #2: Did you go in your pants?
Coworker #1: No, I went to the bathroom.
Coworker #2: The bathroom on the plane?
Coworker #1: Yes, it was horrible! I was in there for 40 minutes. People were pounding on the door, asking if I was alright, while I had repeated bouts of diarrhea.
Coworker #2: That's sounds terrible!
Coworker #1: It was! I was so embarrassed.
Battle Creek, Michigan
Security guard, teaching “harassment in the workplace” class: We want to look professional in front of the patrons. So don't run around playing grab-ass at the security podium.
Western New York
Overheard by: Niteowl
Male assistant on phone: I think I’d know if I’d given birth.
Madison Avenue Office Building
New York City, New York
Sales rep on phone: Okay, so that’s V as in ‘voluptuous,’ A as in ‘anatomy,’ N as in ‘nutrition…’
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Employee: Do you think that font is big enough on these badges?
Manager: I think you have to make it really big, 36 font. Mark wants to be able to see who is coming at him from across the room.
Paramus, New Jersey
Office worker: At first I thought it was cheese, but that would be optimistic.
Sixth Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Chairman of university medical department: When is New Year's Eve?
Older IT guy: January 31st.
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: twinkletoes
(two coworkers at the urinals)
Coworker #1, about colleague: Man, what a pecker.
Coworker #2: Hey, quit looking!
Lebanon, Missouri
