California

12PM Follow Up with National (?)

Employee #1: I’ve talked to National and one group says we should be doing this procedure but another group doesn’t want us to do this procedure.
Employee #2: Hmm. You should follow up with National, then.
Employee #3: That’s what [Employee #1] has been talking about, her follow-up with National.
Employee #2: Oh. When was the last time you talked to them?
Employee #1: About two or three weeks ago.
Employee #2: Yeah, that’s too soon.

10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Stealth Nerf

They’re Finally Gonna Cork That Pesky Volcano

Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a helicopter ride over Kilauea, but the helicopter company charges $100 more if you weigh more than 200 pounds. Hope they don’t weigh me on the spot since I am not sure I will be less than 200 pounds unless it’s in the morning, after I’ve had a pee, and I’m nude…Does anyone have any topics they’d like to add to the agenda for today?
Manager: Um…yeah, I do, but give me a minute.

560 McCarthy Boulevard
Milpitas, California

Overheard by: CW Slave

It’s a Mousepad Waiting to Happen

Co-worker: Ideally everything would be perfect.

9630 S. Norwalk Boulevard
Santa Fe Springs, California

Overheard by: Josh Bartel

I Hear They Chain Them to Their Workstations

Co-worker #1: Where’s our IT department out of?
Co-worker #2: Woodland Hills, the valley, by LA. Porn capital of the world. They work for us by day, and then by night…
Co-worker #1: Maybe that’s why they’re so cranky all the time. They don’t get any sleep at night.

50 Beale Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Lewis Samuels

The Conversation is Exactly What It Sounds Like

Customer #1: Thanks for your generosity! I know we forced ourselves onto you.
Customer #2: Yes, it’s just that it was so cute, so little, we couldn’t resist!
Bossman: Well, it will be here whenever you want it.

9500 Owensmouth Avenue
Chatsworth, California

On That Arrogant Note, Have a Great 2-Day Hiatus

Boss: You can’t send this email out.
Peon: Why not?
Boss: It doesn’t make any sense. What’s this word here?
Peon: Hiatus.
Boss: That’s not even a word.
Peon: It means to take an extended break from work.
Boss: Look, if I don’t understand that, how do you expect anyone else to?

111 Pine Street
San Francisco, California

Don’t Worry, Those Pills Are Pretty Reliable

Girl: I’m going to drop by the ladies’ room.
Man: I hope everything comes out all right.

11400 W. Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: lonecomic

Good Luck Filling That Void

Male co-worker: You might want to take a few lessons on domestication…Life is unfair, and you’re still a woman.

1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: oink

Maybe It’s Not Bob You Should Be Roasting…

Co-worker #1: We’re having an office roast for Bob on Friday, since it’s his last day.
Co-worker #2: What do I need to bring?
Co-worker #1: You know, jokes, stories about him, like that.
Co-worker #2: That’s it? Who’s going to cook the roast?

2155 S. Bascom Avenue
Campbell, California

Where There’s Smoke, There’s a Tech Support Call

CSR: They’re sending out an engineer to ascertain whether the unit is actually on fire.

730 Paseo Camarillo
Camarillo, California

Overheard by: Dave Brown

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