Bosses and Underlings

1PM Vacation Memo

Boss: Did I forget to tell you that we will be open this Monday? I decided not to close the office after all.

Employee: For what?

Boss: It’s Labor Day, and I was going to close the office, but decided not to.

Employee: It’s not Labor Day! Memorial Day is this month, but not until the end of the month.

Boss: It says right here on my calendar it’s Labor Day. I thought it was weird that Labor and Memorial Day were in the same month.

Employee: Let me see that calendar. . . Oh, for God’s sakes, do you see that M by the date?

Boss: Ummm, yeah.

Employee: That means Labor Day for Mexico!

Boss: No kidding! Wow, I feel really stupid!

Employee: Yeah, you should! Happy Labor Day, Senorita!

4302 West Crystal Lake Road
McHenry, Illinois

Overheard by: Gramma

1PM Making Copies

Secretary: Why are these reports formatted so weird?
Boss: Well, because the Germans made them. Those Germans are weird.
Secretary: Hey, now… Be careful, I’m German.
Boss: Uh oh, you’re not a lesbian too, are you?
Secretary: Well, I’m not really German.

Main Street Financial Office
East Hartford, Connecticut

11AM Running Reports

Group leader: You filed the wrong report for this transaction.
Clerk: That’s the way [Lisa] trained me to do it.
Group leader: Which proves idiotisms are contagious.
Clerk: Yeah, you’re right… I mean no…. I mean, I don’t like it when you make me have to think about what you say.

5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi

10AM Brainstorming Session

Manager: We should try putting up our design pattern library on one of those new . . . kiwis!
Drone: [Sigh] Wikis?

1 Kirkwood Boulevard
Southlake, Texas

2PM Staffing Up

Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don’t stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn’t train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.

800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah

Overheard by: tm

4PM Intern Interviews

Boss: Who is your supervisor?
Intern: Um, technically, you are.

1 University Station
Austin, Texas

9AM Back to Work

Underling: Can I borrow your scissors?
Boss: Depends if you’re going to committ any crimes.
Underling: Just crimes against filing.

1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio

4PM Team Meeting

Manager: I knew you were going to say that.
Team Lead: Really? How did you know that?
Manager: I have a third sense when it comes to this place.

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

10AM Ad Committee

Marketing Manager: I can start working on that flyer you need as soon as you give me the copy.
Sales Manager: Copy of what?

1111 Old Eagle School Road
Wayne, Pennsyvania

1PM Lunch

Manager: Is that goat cheese on your sandwich?
Worker: Yes
Manager: I hear that single goat goat cheese is a delicatessen.
Worker: A what?
Manager: A delicatessen.

6511 Tri-County Parkway
Schertz, Texas

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