Cube-dweller to manager: Jeez, Daniel*, you would have killed me! Except I would never have owned up to it, but I can now, coz I didn't do it…
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: confused but amused
Coworker #1: What happened to my entire box of paperclips?
Coworker #2: You threw them all at me, remember?
Coworker #1: Oh, that's right. Thanks for replacing them, by the way.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: MarketingMatt
Boss to employee: Now, I want you to go back into your office and smash your head into the wall until it bleeds.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: Sarah
Innocent-looking receptionist: After he made her cry, again, I told her what I do is just smile. When he's being like that I think about telling him I'm going to claw his eyes out, and I end up smiling.
Coworker, looking impressed: Ooohh, I know that smile. It's your creepy smile, like you're just going to lunge and start eating their faces off.
Sedona, Arizona
Coworker #1: Slap chop? Oh, that guy is hilarious!
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah, he went to jail. For getting beaten up by a hooker!
Coworker #1: What? She beat him up, or he beat her up?
Coworker #2: He hit her, and she punched him back in the eye. His mugshot has a big black eye in it.
Coworker #1: See, he should have gotten a daintier hooker.
Coworker #2: Yeah… That's the moral of the story.
Reston, Virginia
Coworker: Well, if we get killed by the North Koreans before the weekend is out, I just want you to know that I've liked working with you.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jr. Scientist
Girl #1: I hate our supervisor and her stupid flicky long hair.
Girl #2: I just want to go up to her and just cut her hair off.
Guy: I just want to cut her throat.
Girl #1: I would love to do that, but it's illegal.
Guy: So would cutting her hair, unless you were her hairdresser.
Girl #2: I can just see it now?
Guy: When you go to court?
Girl: When I cut her hair, I was actually aiming for her throat, for this, your honor, I am…
Together: Extremely sorry.
Sydney
Australia
Clerk #1: You hear about that guy who got choked to death by his pet python?
Clerk #2: Yeah, apparently the snake had choked him in the past, but never killed him before.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug's Mom
Depressed coworker: Sometimes violent movies cheer me up, too.
Nashville, Tennessee
