North Carolina

2PM Follow Up with HR

Secretary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the family you automatically get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the protocol. You can have days off, but they’re just regular PTO.
Secretary: Right, I know they’re PTO, but I swear I read that they’re automatic if you have a death in the family.
Nurse: No, it’s like any other PTO, you have to have them approved by your supervisor.
Secretary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a family death.
Nurse: Well, I’m sure every supervisor would be happy to quickly approve your PTO if someone dies.
Secretary: Yeah, but I swear I read somewhere that you get two days automatically for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that somewhere.

Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Without a Quorum No Meeting Can Break Out

Worker bee #1 walking up to group of coworkers: Hey, here’s two of the people I’m looking for.
Worker bee #2: Scatter!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

When the Dimmest Screen in the Office Encounters the Brightest

Branch manager: Your monitor is so bright! I love it! It’s got to be the brightest screen in this office!
Sales guy: Uhhh…
Branch manager: It’s like a hospital computer or something! It’s that bright!
Sales guy: … Well, I was out sick last week…

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Let Me Just Unzip My Briefcase

Male visitor: I am here because of a class that I missed due to my court case. She (points to professor) told me I could get credit if I showed her my subpoenas.

Campbell University
North Carolina

You Know It Doesn’t Involve Real Fire, Right?

Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Or, As I Affectionately Call Him, “G Love”

Employee on phone: G as in ‘Jesus.’

8604 Cliff Cameron Drive
Charlotte, North Carolina

Another Victim Of a Misleading Midas Muffler Promotion

Cube dweller: Just like men can get breast cancer, women can get prostate cancer. My gynecologist screens all his patients for it.

North Carolina

Overheard by: Not too worried about it

Business Is All About Keeping the Customer Coming Back

Director to editor, about shot in short film: If I had done all the moves right, I would have just come on her back.

Wilmywood, North Carolina

Overheard by: Actor

Or Sticking It Up Your Nose

Sales guy: Oh, crap! I left the cap off my Sharpie last night! [Tries it on paper] Oh, no! What can I do?!
Cube rat #1: Well, you could try running a little water over the tip. Or, um, you could just throw it away and get a new one.
Sales guy: Put some water on it? Would that work?
Cube rat #2: Is it a Sharpie or a marker?
Cube rat #3: If putting water on it doesn’t work, try licking it.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

…Now That the Legislature's Passed a Law Making You Wear a Dunce Cap?

New girl, during one of her constant personal calls: Don't you find it insulting to be a Democrat?

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Karen

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