CEO: I have come up with the solution for the conflict between Israel and Palestine.
Employee: Yeah? What is it?
CEO: The US takes a part of Montana near the Canadian border where no American wants to live and donates it to the Jews. They can all move there and set up their own new Israel there, and all the fighting can stop.
Employee, chuckling, then pausing: … Wait, are you serious? I don’t think that would work.
CEO: Why not?
Frederick, Maryland
Overheard by: poj
Worker bee #1: What’s the name of that movie with Samuel L. Jackson and the snakes on a plane?
Worker bee #2: Snakes on a Plane.
Worker bee #1: Yeah — what’s the name of it?
Worker bee #2: [Sighs.]
Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Andy
Ghetto customer: My daiquiri tastes like water.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. What may I bring you instead?
Ghetto customer: Water.
Dulaney Valley Road
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: shaking my head
Agent: We used to play this drinking game when I was twnety. They still have it now. What was that called? President? Mr. President? Oh, yeah! ‘Asshole’!
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Just the Receptionist
Jittery editor, using nicotine inhaler: This thing is great. It really works.
Reporter: How long has it been since your last cigarette?
Jittery editor: Oh, I’m still smoking, too.
400 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
40-ish cube dweller #1: Hey, do you have a Star Trek costume I can borrow?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Why are you asking me? Why didn’t you ask Kevin*? What makes you think that I have one?
40-ish cube dweller #1: Well, do you?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Yes. [Very long pause.] But only the shirt. It’s a blue one like Spock wore. I also have the tricorder and the gold sash from the ‘Mirror, Mirror’ episode. I’ll bring it in tomorrow.
Lexington Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Cube dweller on phone: I have this thing with gaping voids…
1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
Annoying peon: Can you get on the internet? [To a second peon] Can you get on the Internet? [Shouts down hall] Can anyone get on the Internet?! Nothing will come up! I can’t even get my usual porn sites to come up!
Baltimore, Maryland
Shipping manager: Man, something smells good over here!
Nearby cube girl: It’s not me!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Countin’ down the days…
Kid: I have to tell you something.
Teacher: Okay…
Kid: Sometimes when I fart, I get poop in my pants.
Teacher: I don’t need to know that.
Public school
Maryland
