Coworker: I can’t remember if he used two fingers or three…

Metcalf Avenue
Overland Park, Kansas

National sales director, about company Christmas tree contest: Fuck needy people. This is about Christmas!

Bonner Springs, Kansas

Company owner: Okay, so I haven’t heard a real definition of ‘bad touch’ yet…

111 Oak Street
Bonner Springs, Kansas

Male bank president: My daughter’s gonna letter in high school track this year.
Female vice president: Oh?
Male bank president: Yeah, she’s a runner. All year I’ve been taking her out on country roads to let her spread her legs.
Female vice president, under her breath: Putz!

1105 Vargas Street
Atwood, Kansas

College professor: I feel like giving them an “e” for effort. Of course we all know that an “e” is right above an “f” for “fucking stupid” and right below the “d” for “dang near fucking stupid.”

Emporia, Kansas

Co-worker: He’s either “dead” or “passed away.”

9111 East Douglas Avenue
Wichita, Kansas

Overheard by: Nate

Receptionist: You can do that while you’re sleeping?!
Accounting girl: Well, yeah.
Receptionist: … Does it feel good?
Accounting girl: [Shrugs.]

Hutchinson, Kansas

Overheard by: The Temp

Woman in bathroom stall to woman in neighboring stall: Yeah, she the one who did my son's circumcision. She did a bang up job.

Olathe, Kansas

Cube monkey, eating alone at desk and coughing: Quit trying to eat yourself!

Overland Park, Kansas

HR rep to coworker: I could, like, totally get a raise if I slept with him.
Coworker: Haven't you already?

Leavenworth, Kansas