Office liar: The Navy hires very conservative people to captain nuclear submarines.
Male coworker: Really?
Office liar: Yeah, every nuclear submarine captain I’ve ever met has been very level-headed.
Female coworker: How many nuclear submarine captains have you met?
Office liar: Hundreds!
West Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Worker #1: German Shepherds used to terrorize the Congolese when the British were colonizing. That’s one of the reasons that the Congolese didn’t like George Foreman when he fought there.
Worker #2: Oh, I thought you were going to say that is why black people don’t like dogs.
Sears Tower
Chicago, Illinois
Girl to coworker: I want to meet this handsome man… who likes to sleep with men in the forest.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Oblivious coworker: Yeah, those Australians are always doing that crazy stuff.
Coworker: They wrestle kangaroos, too.
Oblivious coworker: Wait! Are kangaroos real?
Chicago, Illinois
Perky blonde stylist, describing product to client: It's like a liquid form of moisture…
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: irresolute.tumblr
Office manager: I wonder if I should bleach my snatch.
3301 Mulford Road
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: broodingsoul
Dad: Son, do not be inept when you grow up.
Son: What is “inept”?
Dad: Ridiculously bad at your job.
Son: No promises there, dad.
Washington, Illinois
Overheard by: Laura
Man on phone: Did you find your tree? Did you hug your tree?
Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Smoker #1: See this tie? Got it for $1.49 at Jewel.
Smoker #2: Jewel sells ties? It’s a grocery store.
Smoker #1: I say fuck ’em, if I have to wear a tie it’s going to be a $1.49 Jewel tie.
Wacker
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I hate my tie too
