Assistant #1: So, what are you wearing to the party? You’ve been pretty secretive about it.
Assistant #2: Well, I’m wearing an old blue slip and a pair of pumps with mirrors on the heels.
Assistant #2: Nice.
Atlanta, Georgia
Assistant #1: So, what are you wearing to the party? You’ve been pretty secretive about it.
Assistant #2: Well, I’m wearing an old blue slip and a pair of pumps with mirrors on the heels.
Assistant #2: Nice.
Atlanta, Georgia
Female worker bee: Next time I make popcorn, I’m putting it in my pants.
Columbus Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Fat black girl: My mom — she’s bein’ so damn nosy. Yesterday she says, ‘V, tell me something I don’t know about you!’
Fat white girl: So, what’d you say?
Fat black girl: I said, ‘I like it in the ass! That shit is wonderful.’
Fat white girl: Hahaha, oh my god. Wait, how is that her being nosy?
Fat black girl: Well, it’s what she get. She didn’t know it; now she does. Serve her right for askin’.
Clothing store, 4500 North Oracle Road
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: i just wanted to shop
Coworker #1: Oh, that sounded like a queef.
Coworker #2: I had a friend who could roll over and queef on command.
Coworker #1: Wow! That would be a great party trick.
Washington Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Woman on cell: Remember when she saw those two dead bodies? No, Denny is the tall one.
Merced Mall
Merced, California
Overheard by: I work there
Co-worker #1: So she is like, what, the second one pregnant?
Co-worker #2: Yes, you have to be careful drinking water around here.
Co-worker #1: Stop it! Stop it! Now I have to go take a pregnancy test!
1250 Broadway
New York, NY
Over the cube wall: That’s apples and oranges. But the oranges are red.
2nd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Murray
Office girl #1: Ohmigod, did you hear that Sam Ronson broke up with Lindsay Lohan?
Office girl #2: No. No! Where did you read that?
Awkward office guy, from across office: Aaaand this is why I'm better than you!
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Office drone #1: Did you see how Anderson completely took over the meeting? It was like a crudités.
Office drone #2: Wait… it was like celery sticks??
Office drone #3: I think he means a “coup d'état”
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Drunk Drama Queen
Manager: So, what are your hobbies? What do you do for fun?
Newbie: I like to breed.
1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
