Office peon #1: Yo, you watch that Animal Planet?
Office peon #2: Oooh, one time I saw this bird — he use a rock like a hammer! Dropped it on a egg, cracked it open… Gangsta, son! Gangsta!
New York, New York
Office peon #1: Yo, you watch that Animal Planet?
Office peon #2: Oooh, one time I saw this bird — he use a rock like a hammer! Dropped it on a egg, cracked it open… Gangsta, son! Gangsta!
New York, New York
Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’
Eglin Air Force Base
Florida
Office dweller: Well, if I need to look more professional I’ll just take off my pants.
304 Park Avenue South
New York, New York
Overheard by: Pandora
Hotel guest: I started taking that Trimspa about a month ago. I haven’t lost any weight, but my chest is huge!
State and Division Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara G
Worker #1: Oh, didn’t I tell you I’m moving to Colorado?
Worker #2: Really? When?
Worker #1: I leave next week, but I decided I would move to Colorado when I was six. That’s when I heard John Denver sing “Rocky Mountain High.”
Worker #2: That’s why you’re moving to Colorado?
Worker #1: Well, and because it’s so hot here because of all the global warming going on. You know, they don’t have that in Colorado.
Fairfield County, Connecticut
Overheard by: she actually is moving
Cube monkey: My brain is unlike that of any mortal! It consists of witchcraft, spells, and ideas for pastries that the world has yet to see!
1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Coworker: Sometimes it amazes me just how much poop comes out of my body.
80 Broadway
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Orlando Furioso
Woman #1: Oh my god! My husband sent me three dozen roses for no reason!
Woman #2: Wow, someone really wants a blowjob.
Boss: Hey, you can’t say ‘blowjob’! We have young interns working here!
Woman #2: Are you serious? Those intern sluts give blowjobs in their sleep.
New Jersey
Drone #1: He’s got an ass so tight, you could bounce quarters off it.
Drone #2: Who, the new pope?
680 Route 202/206
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
