HR clerk: He got so excited and he crapped all over himself.
Receptionist, laughing: Did Jim [manager] do that again?
Hr clerk: Uh, no, I was talking about my new puppy.
Receptionist: Oh, forget what I just said. Please forget! I was supposed to forget.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Woman peon: David* always reminds me of Dr. Evil.
Man peon: Just because he is bald?
Woman peon: Well, his newborn son has no hair, either, and looks just like him. It’s just like Mini-Me. All he needs is a shaved cat.
Man peon: I never understood the shaved cat thing. What’s up with a shaved cat? Do you shave your cat?
Woman peon: No, I don’t have a cat. I have allergies.
Man peon: Really?
Landings Drive
Mountain View, California
Employee: That astronaut chick had to be totally nuts to put on a diaper and drive 13 hours to whack that other woman.
Boss: Well, astronauts do have to wear diapers in space. She probably had some around the house.
Employee: Oh? So it’s part of her culture.
Boss, laughing: When the cops finally caught her, she calmly said, ‘This was a bad idea.’
Employee: The gun or the diapers?
7 West 29th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Fabio
Assistant #1: Do you have any idea when the last time I threw up was?
Assistant #2: 1993? April?
Assistant #1: ’94, 12 years ago.
Assistant #2: Yeah, you told me already. I marked it in my calendar so I can put ipecac syrup in your coffee that day.
Assistant #1: I told my therapist that and he was floored
Assistant #2: My dad is like that too. He’s thrown up once since I’ve known him.
Assistant #1: Since you’ve known him? When were the two of you introduced?
Assistant #2: Since I came out of my mother.
Assistant #1: Hot.
800 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Office peon #1: Yo, you watch that Animal Planet?
Office peon #2: Oooh, one time I saw this bird — he use a rock like a hammer! Dropped it on a egg, cracked it open… Gangsta, son! Gangsta!
New York, New York
Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’
Eglin Air Force Base
Florida
Office dweller: Well, if I need to look more professional I’ll just take off my pants.
304 Park Avenue South
New York, New York
Overheard by: Pandora
Hotel guest: I started taking that Trimspa about a month ago. I haven’t lost any weight, but my chest is huge!
State and Division Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara G
Worker #1: Oh, didn’t I tell you I’m moving to Colorado?
Worker #2: Really? When?
Worker #1: I leave next week, but I decided I would move to Colorado when I was six. That’s when I heard John Denver sing “Rocky Mountain High.”
Worker #2: That’s why you’re moving to Colorado?
Worker #1: Well, and because it’s so hot here because of all the global warming going on. You know, they don’t have that in Colorado.
Fairfield County, Connecticut
Overheard by: she actually is moving
