Coworker on phone: You have to go East… How should I know? I don’t know East from West!
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Coworker on phone: You have to go East… How should I know? I don’t know East from West!
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
CR manager: The membership grade is effective for a year from the grad date that they told us, but I don’t think they’ll remember the grad date they said… But it’s not actually a year…
Ad manager: But it’s good for a year. Doesn’t it update automatically?
CR manager: It is automatic, except when it isn’t. It only gets updated once a year, so it may be good for over a year.
Ad manager: So we can’t say a year if it isn’t a year.
14 Fairfield Drive
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: all ears
Council member: I heard you need my John Doe on something.
Clerk: I need your signature on some documents.
Council member: Yeah, my John Doe.
Clerk, laughing: You mean your John Hancock — John Doe is an anonymous dead body. [Council member looks puzzled.] John Hancock has the biggest signature on the Declaration of Independence — that’s where the term comes from.
Council member: Oh.
City Hall
San Francisco, California
Analyst: We’re brilliant when we have nothing better to do than to be brilliant all day.
870 Market Street
San Francisco, California
Worker bee: Are you new here?
Temp: Oh, I’m just temping.
Worker bee: Do you like it?
Temp: Yeah, I’m really enjoying it here.
Worker bee: It’s so casual.
Temp: Yeah, I’m glad I can just wear jeans.
Worker bee: You could wear shorts if you wanted. I mean, I don’t know if you wear shorts, but people here do, so you totally could. If you wanted.
6300 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Marketing guy: If 20 characters is the limit for a line, why is it wrapping?
Patient web developer: I used a fake string and we changed the font since then — some letters are wider than others, so I have some work to do to get it to fit.
Marketing guy: Hmmm… I like it saying ‘System Requirements’ versus just ‘Requirements.’
Patient web developer: … How many characters is in ‘System Requirements’?
Marketing guy: Nineteen characters, including the blank space between the words.
Patient web developer: Right.
Marketing guy: So, how much would that jack with things to be able to fit 19 characters on a line?
Patient web developer: Dude, c’mon. If 20 fits, then 19 will fit.
Marketing guy: That seems like some advanced math to me.
Patient web developer: Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to get all math-y on you.
2550 SW Grapevine Parkway
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Snotted My Water
Customer: Do you carry mattresses? [Sales woman looks confused.] Mattresses… Beds… Can you tell me where those are?
Sales woman, pointing at elevators: Oh, yes, right over there.
Customer, speaking slowly: No, I said, ‘Where are the mattresses?’ The beds… What floor?
Sales woman: Oh, I don’t think we carry those. I thought you said ‘elevator.’
Department store, Paramus Mall
Nyack, New York
Overheard by: RobynPuff79
General manager: He had ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’ on his résumé.
242 West 36th Street
New York, New York
Cube rat to neighbor: I think it’s worth six million dollars. Wait, I didn’t write six million, I wrote six thousand… Or is that your writing? … Oh, that’s the square footage… Duh…
1477 Lansdowne Street
Peterborough, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: slacker
Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
