Employee #1: I just don’t understand the point of Martin Luther King Day.
Emoloyee #2: Come on! It’s a big day! It celebrates when Martin Luther King freed the slaves.
Employee #1: That was Abraham Lincoln.
Employee #2: Oh. Well, it celebrates when Martin Luther King gave the Emancipation Proclamation.
Employee #1: That was also Abraham Lincoln.
Employee #2: Oh. I’m not very good at history.
821 Benvenue
Rocky Mount, North Carolina
Sales assistant #1: Man, I hate Glen* — becomes a manager and gets all crazy.
Sales assistant #2: What’s he makin’ you do?
Sales assistant #1: Sweep the whole service alley! Man, sometimes I just wanna hit that guy. I’ve been here two years, and he makes me, the head sales assistant, do the crap work.
Sales assistant #2: [Stares.]Sales assistant #1: He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Sales assistant #2: Yup.
3709 East Central Texas Expressway
Killeen, Texas
(cute FedEx guy with hat on leaves office after dropping package off)
Female agent: Firecrotch or no firecrotch? I couldn't really tell.
Aspen, Colorado
Coworker: Derek’s* married? To a WOMAN?!
165 West 46th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Beth
Customer: Do you have any raspberry tea?
Server: No.
Customer: Do you have any special flavored teas?
Server: I guess that depends on if you think sweetened is special.
3026 Richmond Road
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Tired of the Service Industry
Two managers are determining whether palm tree maintenance is covered in a landscape maintenance contract.
Property manager: It says ‘pruning as needed,’ but that says ‘shaving of the pineapple.’ It can’t be the same thing.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Counter girl: I’m sorry it’s taking so long, but we’re really busy today, and I’m the only one here.
Sympathetic customer: Yes, it’s always busier when you’re the only one, isn’t it?
Counter girl: Yes, especially when I’m alone.
Ybor Square
Tampa, Florida
Sales guy: Does anyone else smell hot dogs and sauerkraut?
Sales chick: Ummm… There’s doughnuts in the conference room.
Sales guy: I bet that’s it!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Blonde office drone: There's this plug that doesn't seem to go to anywhere, but when I pull it out from the wall thing, my desk lights turn off… I wonder why that is?
South Autin, Texas
Grunt #1: Oh, man, I need a bagel. I weighed myself this morning and I’m lighter than I should be.
Grunt #2: One thirty-nine?
Grunt #1: Yeah, that’s bad… Even for me.
Grunt #3: Carbo-load.
Grunt #2: Put butter and cream cheese on the bagel.
Grunt #1: Oh my god, did you hear about the bees?
Grunt #2: No.
Grunt #1: They’re dying.
Grunt #3: Oh, yeah, I think it was Einstein that said if the bees die, you know, culture dies…
Grunt #2: Bee culture?
Grunt #1: No, like us — California culture.
Grunt #3: Performing arts?
1355 Sansome Street
San Francisco, California
