Employee #1: Can you print the report for the meeting?
Employee #2: Should I print a copy for everyone who will be there?
Employee #1: No, one should be fine; all 15 of them can crowd around and look at it together.
2240 North 1st Street
San Jose, California
Worker #1: Ohmigod! I was typing a letter and I was typing really fast and instead of typing “tots” I typed “tits”!
Worker #2, underwhelmed: Really? That's funny.
Worker #1: No, really!! I typed “tits,” like t-i-t-s, at least I think that's how you spell it.
Jefferson City, Missouri
Customer: Hello, Phyllis, how are you today?
Worker: I’m not Phyllis, I’m Kay.
Customer: Your name tag says Phyllis.
Worker: No, it doesn’t. It says Kay, see? P-H-Y… oops!… wrong name tag.
Westmoreland Mall
Greensburg, Pennsylvania
Geeky cashier: How are you pay'n for this?
Guy in a hurry: Cash.
Geeky cashier: Like cash, cash?
Guy in a hurry: What?
Best Buy
Newmarket
Ontario, Canadia
Office radio just played ‘High Hopes,’ by Frank Sinatra.
Flaky girl: What’s a ‘rubber tree plant’? Is it, like, a plant made of rubber, or a plant you get rubber from?
Yuppie girl: It’s a Rubber. Tree. Plant. So, like, a plant-tree.
Flaky girl: What’s that?
Yuppie girl: Like, a baby tree.
Flaky girl: So, a baby tree is a plant?
Yuppy girl: Well, it’s like how a baby duck is a duckling. It’s not really a duck.
Flaky girl: So, a baby is not really a human?
Yuppie girl: So it would be easy for the ant to move it.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: I Dont Have Very High Hopes For These Two
Male coworker: I would take Beyoncé’s face, Beyoncé’s legs, Beyoncé’s arms, Beyoncé’s body, and Beyoncé’s ass and put them all together to make my dream woman… And I’d name her Beyoncé.
4510 Maplecrest Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Overheard by: Bk-Bitch
Dumb girl: Why do they call it ‘Chicken Cordon Bleu’?
Dumb guy: Uh, duh! Cor-don-bleu… It means ‘ham-and-cheese’!
Rockford, Illinois
Self-important guy: Most hot dogs in the US are pretty much vegetarian anyway.
Lexington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amused and disgusted
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Waitress: I don’t want any sauce touching me… Unless it’s being licked off of me.
1027 West Horsetooth Road
Fort Collins, Colorado
