Customer: I need to have some work done on my car, and I want to know how much it’s going to cost.
Shop guy: Okay, let’s go take a look.
Customer: Well, the car isn’t here, it’s at my house.
Shop guy: You need to bring the car here if you want an estimate.
Customer: I don’t need an estimate, I just want to know how much it’s going to cost.
Auto body shop
New Jersey
Customer completing an application form on phone: Would my sister be a sibling to me?
Washington, DC
Man: And I said, ‘I think you’ve taken me to the wrong place. It’s full of naked men…’
Princeton, New Jersey
Assistant manager: Ma’am, you can’t bring that puppy in here. We’re going to have to ask you to leave.
Lady carrying puppy: What? It’s a goddamn puppy! Suck my dick!
Assistant manager: You’re going to have to leave.
Lady carrying puppy, leaving: Fuck you, bitches!
Assistant manager, cheerfully: Goodbye! Shop again!
7747 Mall Road
Florence, Kentucky
Painter in room with painters’ tape everywhere: Do you like the new colors?
Customer: I don’t like the blue stripes.
Concord, New Hampshire
Overheard by: another painter
Old man: An hour I’m waiting here! What’s the point in making appointments if they make you wait?
Middle-aged son: What’s your hurry, Dad? You have no place else to go.
Old man: That’s not the point! When they make an appointment they should take you in at that time!
Middle-aged son: Hey, Dad, that’s why they call it a ‘waiting room.’ See all these people? They all have appointments, too.
Old man: When I see that doctor I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind.
Middle-aged son: I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Dad. One little injection and they’ll carry you out of here dead, and nobody’s gonna ask why a 91-year-old man died suddenly.
Doctor’s waiting room
Rockville Centre, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Doctor’s wife: You guys are going to get my husband’s pracitice flagged by the insurance companies.
Biller: We only enter in the system what you have written on the charge ticket.
Doctor’s wife: Well you guys are the billing company. You should know better not to trust everything you see.
221 West 21st Street
Lorain, Ohio
Customer: Hi! Are you a horticulturalist?
Clerk: Yes.
Customer: Were is your washroom?
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Counter Guy
Man at music counter: Do you happen to have ‘The Wreck of the F. Scott Fitzgerald’?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Bearphan
Employee #1: May I take your order, please?
Drive-thru customer: I want a Double Whopper, plain — only cheese and a little mustard.
Employee #1: … I’m sorry, we don’t sell Double Whoppers here.
Customer: Oh, you don’t? Okay, let me get just a Whopper, then.
Employee #2: Sir, we don’t sell Whoppers. This is Wendy’s.
Customer, unfazed: Oh. Okay then.
1066 Independence Boulevard
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: wage slave
