Office guy: Can you smell my banana?
Office girl: I was just thinking about your banana.
Office guy: (awkward silence)
Office girl: I mean the way it smells… Wait! Shit!
Office guy: Now you're thinking of how banana shit smells? Like banana pudding, I would imagine.
Office girl: Yum! Wait… Gross? Nah… I'm gonna go with “yum.”
Rhode Island
Boss: If they're not burning their boobs on strippers, they're running off to the school board office!
Belle Chasse Highway
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: needs more coffee
Manager #1 (barely audible): Hey bud, did you go snowmobiling this weekend?
Manager #2 (yelling): Yeah man, I rode it all weekend and thought of you the whole time!
Bellevue City Center
Bellevue, Washington
One employee to another: I'd be honored to have you put your sausage on my foreman.
327 S. Camino del Rio, Durango, CO 81303
Boss: Hey, can you make a calendar that looks like this? [Hands a paper to her.]Underling: Yeah. You know this is from [the other agency], right?
Boss: Yeah, the client likes it. We have to go with that.
Underling: But their calendar is a copy of the one I did for the client. The client just handed it to them, and they made all these little changes.
Boss: Yeah, just do it like that.
Underling: But I already did it. They only took my calendar and messed with it.
Boss: Just make it look like this one!
Underling: But it’s my calendar!
Boss: Just make it look like this one! [Boss stalks off.]Underling, to entire office: Am I in a Dilbert cartoon?
3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Black female security guard: Sir, you need to leave the building.
Black hobo: Why?
Black female security guard: Sir, you need to leave the building.
Black hobo: Why?
Black female security guard, a little more sternly: Sir, you need to leave the building, please.
Black hobo: Why? Because I'm black?
Black female security guard: Sir, I'm black, too. You need to leave the building.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Uncle Cake
Manager: Alyssa calls burritos “burros.” What's the difference? I've always heard it called “burrito.” What do you call it?
Graphic artist and authentic Mexican: “Taco grande.”
Web designer and office coquette: That was my nickname in high school.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
Applications processor: Well, there are rules, like we won't pay if you kill yourself within the first two years of your policy. But after that you gotta do what ya gotta do.
Virginia
Overheard by: if you're suicidal, hopefully you have great willpower
Male coworker: I hit myself in the face a lot until I figured it out.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Middle aged white woman: Do you have this book, um… Mein Kampf?
Store associate: Ummm… No.
Middle aged white woman: Do you know who wrote it?
Store associate: Uh. (pause) Adolf Hitler.
Middle aged white woman: Do you know what it's about?
Houston, Texas
