Mail guy: Do you play soccer?
Office girl: No.
Mail guy: Oh, you look like a soccer player.
Office girl: Cool.
Mail guy: Do you like wet food or dry food?
Walnut Hill Lane and U.S. 75
Dallas, Texas
Mail guy: Do you play soccer?
Office girl: No.
Mail guy: Oh, you look like a soccer player.
Office girl: Cool.
Mail guy: Do you like wet food or dry food?
Walnut Hill Lane and U.S. 75
Dallas, Texas
Worker guy: I’d rather have sex with a goat wearing no makeup than a goat with makeup.
Empire State Building
New York, New York
Overheard by: The Professor
Creepster coworker: That leather is soft, like your mother’s skin.
Brush College Road
Decatur, Illinois
Overheard by: My mother’s softer than leather
Office weirdo: Most people don’t realize that mermaids actually have sharp teeth — similar to a shark. They also eat fish… So they have really bad breath.
Washington, DC
Boss, about former employee: She smelled like my grandmother’s underwear drawer.
Underling: Do you spend a lot of time in your grandmother’s underwear drawer?
Boss: Well, she died a while ago…
1100 Hamilton Court
Menlo Park, California
Secretary: I’ve got a bad rash in between my boobs.
Coworker: Uh…
Secretary: See, it’s really bad.
Coworker: Uh… [tries to look away but is too slow].
Secretary, smelling her fingers: It smells real bad, too.
Liberty and Division Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Violated
Guy seeing a purse in a chair: Who left this green bag here for me to go through?
Girl: It’s mine, but there’s nothing in it but an empty wallet and some tampons.
Guy: I love tampons! Oh, wait…
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Amazed
Goatee guy on cell: Make sure you sanitize the keyboard.
Parking garage stairwell
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: iggy
Creepster hitting on CSA: Hey, there you are again.
CSA, without making eye contact: …Hey.
Creepster: You know what? You so beautiful.
CSA doesn’t respond.
Creepster, with spittle flying from between front teeth: Has anyone ever told you that you’re very photo-generic?
Animal Hospital
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: another CSA
Creepster #1 smelling women’s deodorant: Smell this: it smells like raspberry. Mmm!
Creepster #2: Smell this… It smells good! It’s called ‘Unscented’!
Creepster #1: Mmm.
Walmart
Concord, New Hampshire
Overheard by: walking away quickly as to not disturb them
