A bagel left unattended in a microwave sets off the fire alarms. The microwave, charred and smoking, is carried outside and is placed on the sidewalk.
Fireman: Is this the object that started the fire?
Office Worker: No. When we take a break, it takes a break.
626 Thayer Road
West Point, New York
Guy #1: Have you spoken with [Jon]?
Guy #2: No, it’s like trying to get hold of God.
1000 Great West Road
Brentwood, Middlesex
UK
Overheard by: saffainlondon
Smartypants: I don’t know why your voice has to go up five octaves in order for it to be British.
US Capitol Building
Washington, DC
Co-Worker #1: Do you know the generic country code of London?
Co-Worker #2: Umm, London is a city, not a country.
Co-Worker #1: Oh OK, was not aware.
440 9th Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker: If you could un-fuck this situation, I’d appreciate it.
120 Morehead Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker #1: Hey. Hey! Laura, c’mere, I need your help.
Laura: What?
Coworker #3 (passing by): What are you guys doing?
Laura: Unzipping her. She gets stuck in her coat, like, twice a day, and I keep having to get her out of it.
1800 Connecticut Ave, NW
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: I think I’m going to start The Arkansas Bachelor.
Coworker #2: Oh yeah? Women will be tripping all over themselves trying to get away from that.
Coworker #1: It’ll be better than just The Bachelor. Forget roses, I’d say, “Would you accept this Busch Light, Maggie Lou?”.
3685 Country Club
Fort Smith, Arkansas
Co-worker: I love my boss; she’s the stick I use to hit other people with.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Engineer #1: Congratulations, I heard you got married this week.
Engineer #2: Thanks, man. It was one of the best days of my life.
Engineer #1: Aren’t you African though? I didn’t know African people got married.
6575 The Corners Pkwy
Norcross, Georgia
Co-worker #1: Well, well, that’s an interesting name! What backround is that?
Co-worker #2: It’s Turkish.
Co-worker #1: Really! That’s so interesting, because I just spent the last twenty years in Germany and there are apparently a lot of Turks there. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one, but there are supposed to be a lot of them there.
165 Markham Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
