Coworker: Apparently somebody took the RAM out of my computer and replaced it with crap.
3 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, California
Coworker: Apparently somebody took the RAM out of my computer and replaced it with crap.
3 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, California
Girl: I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?
Guy #1: Yeah, can you get me a Dr. Brown’s black cherry soda?
Girl: Ok.
Guy #1, holding out cash: Here.
Girl: What’s that?
Guy #2: It’s called money. What? It’s been so long since you seen it, you don’t recognize it! Damn, next time hand her some post-it notes and let her be on her merry way!
250 West 30th Street
New York, New York
Credit manager: Anyone need some glasses?
Coworker: What kind of glasses?
Credit manager: Drinking glasses, water glasses. I have four and I’m not going to use them.
Coworker: Where’d ya get the glasses from?
Credit manager: I stole them from the hotel I was at last week
Coworker: You can’t go around stealing stuff from hotels.
Credit manager: That’s what my wife tells me, which is why I need to get rid of them before she finds out. Maybe I’ll just put them in the break room.
142 Grand Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
Two real estate agents are returning from lunch.
Experienced agent: You’re never going to make any money if you keep getting drunk like this.
73 West 19th Street
New York, New York
Coworker #1: How was your vacation?
Coworker #2: Good, except my boyfriend got sick. We think it was on some sushi.
Coworker #1: That’s what he gets for drinking that stuff!
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: I love this place!
Over the airport PA system: Attention K-Mart shoppers…
Main Terminal
Dulles Airport
Co-worker #1: Well do you want to eat these peeps or not?
Co-worker #2: Hell no… They are hella stale
Co-worker #1: Well. okay. I guess we’ll just have to set them on fire.
50 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Co-worker #1: Have you seen [Amy]?
Secretary: Not in the past several minutes.
Co-worker #1: I hope she hurries up. I have to study for a test and my boss is breathing down my neck.
Co-worker #2: Hey! How are you?
Co-worker #1: I’d be better if [Amy] would hurry up and get here. I have a boss waiting on me and stuff I have to do.
Elevator dings. All look expectantly toward elevator, hoping to see [Amy]. Someone else comes out.
All in unison, disappointedly: Awww.
Paranoid co-worker #3: What? What did I do?
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Co-worker #1, speaking loudly on headset phone: Well, yeah, I can totally relate to backlog problems! I mean during that refi boom we were just wall to wall with boxes full of papers. We were up to our necks in papers! If the fire marshal would’ve come in here, I’m pretty positive that he would’ve shut us down!
Co-worker #2: Should he really be saying that to our vendors?
Co-worker #3: Well, if we ever get closed down due to our vendors calling the fire department on us, at least we’ll know who to thank for the days off.
1350 Deming Way
Middleton, Wisconsin
Employee #1: Ugh! I hate it when [Allison] brings her bratty kid to work.
Employee #2: [Allison] knows he is a brat. He turned her into a coyote mother.
Employee #1: What?!
Employee #2: A coyote mother is when you gnaw your own ovaries off so you can’t have more brats.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
