Weight Watchers orator: Does anyone have any good news they’d like to share with us this week?
Fat lady: Yes. I went to my gynecologist for my checkup this week, and he said now that I’ve lost weight, it’s much easier to examine me because now there are fewer folds.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Nurse: After you finish giving your sample, place it in the door in the wall and come to the lab where we’ll do your pregnancy test.
Patient to man waiting with her: I’ll be out in a minute.
Man to nurse, excited: There’s a good chance that I’m the father!
616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
IT Consultant Guy: You gotta stop answering the phones all sexy. No one else can concentrate.
2620 Hillsborough Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Office Kitty
Project manger: From now on all of the questions are going to be rhetorical.
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: You know what rhetorical means, don’t you?
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: Anyway…
Fairfax, Virginia
E-consultant, explaining website program to potential customer: It’s clear as night!
Smithtown Bypass
Smithtown, New York
Attorney: What are we supposed to say when withdrawing? “I’m sorry, Your Honor, but it seems my client has fled the country”?
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: J.C. Tabler
Consultant: I was a straight-A student until fourth grade.
Federal Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adam
Sales rep on phone: I don’t want to go see that doctor. He misdiagnosed and killed my grandfather… But he is my neighbor… Okay, I’ll see him.
1600 Utica Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: eric
Resident: Patient was seen today at his home. He’s still complaining that the beams from Oregon are bothering him, but he said they aren’t affecting him too badly right now. In fact, he said that they don’t affect men too much in general – it’s really women who should be worried about the beams, especially, he said, when they’re aimed at women’s private boxes.
Social worker: Did you just say private boxes?
Psychiatric clinic
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Lawyer: Then why did you have sex with your cousin while she was sleeping?
Client: I honestly thought she wanted it. Really, I would never do anything to hurt her. I think of her like a sister.
Lawyer: Perhaps we shouldn’t put you on the witness stand.
2605 E. Cliff Road
Burnsville, Minnesota
