65-year-old employee: Sure, I’ll get those docs to you later today. Right now I have to run down the hall before I have an accident in my pants.
Aliso Viejo, California
Overheard by: hold it in
65-year-old employee: Sure, I’ll get those docs to you later today. Right now I have to run down the hall before I have an accident in my pants.
Aliso Viejo, California
Overheard by: hold it in
Employee #1: It went well. I have to pick some comp– Compet– Um…
Employee #2: Competencies?
Employee #1: Yeah! … What does that mean?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lawyer #1: I had a bad dream last night. I woke my wife up at 4:30 to tell her I dreamt she was having sex with a gay man.
Lawyer #2: Oh, really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah, and it really upset me. And she laughed and said she knew why I had the dream. It was because of these women’s sex discussion groups she’s been going to lately. Then she says to me, ‘Well, what was I doing? Using the drumstick or what?’
Lawyer #2: What the hell? The drumstick? What was she talkin’ about?
Lawyer #1: I know — I didn’t get it either, so I asked her, ‘What are you talking about?’ and she said, ‘Well, how exactly was I having sex with a game hen?’
Lawyer #2: [Guffaws.]Lawyer #1, chuckling: Yeah… I guess she wasn’t fully awake when I told her.
560 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Old lady peon, bursting excitedly into office: I just went to the craft store and picked up some holiday window clings for my office!
Young male peon: Wow. That’s… fantastic.
Old lady peon: I’ve got Santa Claus and reindeer and snowmen and snowflakes… I asked about Hanukkah stuff, but they didn’t have any. I’m going to do this for every holiday! This is great!
Young male peon: What about Kwanzaa?
Old lady peon: Oh, no, that’s a man-made holiday.
Sacramento, California
Sales chick #1: So, if the sun dies, then we’re all dead?
Sales chick #2: Yup.
Sales chick #1: But what if we eat the people that die first?
Sales chick #2: We’d all die pretty soon anyway.
Sales chick #1: Oh… But I can still eat the dead people, right?
4606 Lankershim Boulevard
North Hollywood, California
Grunt #1: Don’t you need a coat?
Grunt #2: No.
Grunt #1: Are we going outside?
Grunt #2: Yes.
Grunt #1: Oh. Sorry. I guess I just turned into your mother.
10920 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Company lawyer to copywriter: It may be wrong or stupid, but if so, we want to be consistently stupid.
Chatsworth, California
Female employee #1: I can’t wear thong underwear, because they go up into my pussy crack.
Female employee #2: What?! How big are you down there?
Female employee #1: Oh, it’s fucking huge.
Fontana, California
Coworker #1, to editor: Do you know where the call-in phone number on the back of XYZ Publication* goes to?
Coworker #2: I have no idea.
Coworker #1: Well, [boss] called the other day and asked where it went to. I called it just now, and it answers with the voice of Dana*, but she hasn’t worked here in seven months!
Coworker #2, looking at Dana’s empty desk area: I guess that it just goes to her phone, and whoever gets that extension will get all of the messages.
Coworker #1: So it doesn’t matter to you that readers might be calling in and leaving messages that are not being returned?
Coworker #2: No.
45 Leveroni Court
Novato, California
Manager #1: My roommate is acting a little off.
Manager #2: What do you mean?
Manager #1: It’s like her elevator doesn’t go to the top anymore.
Staff: You have an elevator in your house?
Sonoma, California
