Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?
Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California
Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker
Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?
Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California
Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker
Tourist to vendor: Do you know where I can buy kosher pork chops?
North Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Eavesdropping Jew
Lady peon to another: I’m so sorry! It’s just a weird thing, and I usually don’t hear that happening to a guy!
2211 North 1st Street
San Jose, California
Office grunt: So, I had this one night stand with this girl, and the next day I got a phone message that said, ‘I had a miscarriage in your toilet.’ Then she came back and cleaned my entire apartment and paid my phone bill, and I never heard from her again.
6th and Main Street
Los Angeles, California
Council member: I heard you need my John Doe on something.
Clerk: I need your signature on some documents.
Council member: Yeah, my John Doe.
Clerk, laughing: You mean your John Hancock — John Doe is an anonymous dead body. [Council member looks puzzled.] John Hancock has the biggest signature on the Declaration of Independence — that’s where the term comes from.
Council member: Oh.
City Hall
San Francisco, California
Analyst: We’re brilliant when we have nothing better to do than to be brilliant all day.
870 Market Street
San Francisco, California
Worker bee: Are you new here?
Temp: Oh, I’m just temping.
Worker bee: Do you like it?
Temp: Yeah, I’m really enjoying it here.
Worker bee: It’s so casual.
Temp: Yeah, I’m glad I can just wear jeans.
Worker bee: You could wear shorts if you wanted. I mean, I don’t know if you wear shorts, but people here do, so you totally could. If you wanted.
6300 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Heavy male coworker: I really need to go on a diet. My tits are getting way too big.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: thesugarmonster
Female office worker: I think I like this purse more than my Coach purse. It fits more stuff. I could fit a burrito in here! Actually, I do have a burrito in here.
350 Los Ranchitos Road
San Rafael, California
Female analyst: Actually, my parents are in town this weekend. I think we’re going to go see the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Male analyst: Oh! The Dead Sea Scrolls! You mean… the band?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bored Actuarial Intern
