Boss to tardy employee: I’m going to write you up with a verbal warning.
Employee: … Wait. What?
Boss: Don’t be smart.
Burnet Road
Austin, Texas
Boss to tardy employee: I’m going to write you up with a verbal warning.
Employee: … Wait. What?
Boss: Don’t be smart.
Burnet Road
Austin, Texas
Professor: It smells like fall, doesn’t it?
Student: It smells like depressing cold and the inevitable onset of winter.
Brandeis University
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I didn’t smell anything
Grunt #1: I need to get some…
Grunt #2: Rum?
Grunt #3: Echinacea?
1 World Financial
New York City
Supervisor to employee: I’m sorry. I don’t speak retard.
588 N. Gulph Gulph Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Poor Guy
Manager to waiter: What are you doing up here? Go in the fucking kitchen so I can fucking beat your ass.
Italian Restaurant
Olney, Maryland
Employee: I’d like to work the booth. I could be good at that. I’d like to travel, and go to trade shows.
Manager: You’d have to educate yourself so you can speak to clients about what we do here. You’d also have to work some weekends.
Employee: Do I get paid?
Manager: You get travel for free – meals, hotel, airfare.
Employee: Wow.
Manager: And of course your regular paycheck.
Employee: Is this scheme widely known in the company??
Rochelle Park
New Jersey
Boss: So did you work things out?
Intern: Yeah, I talked to him when I dropped the tumor off.
Martin Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: sleeping with my eyes open
Employee: You know my friend didn’t die the other day when they, uh, disconnected her.
Manager: Oh no?
Employee: But she’s dying right now. It took forty-eight hours. I wonder if she’s hungry.
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Twentysomething new hire: Why is there a Harry Potter picture in our lobby?
Fortysomething manager: Actually that’s a painting of John Lennon.
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: Pop Culturally Literate
Underling: What do you want me to do today?
Superboss: That’s a good question. I can talk about that whenever you’re ready.
4000 Shoreline Court
San Francisco, California
