Boss: I’m not the one who brought up fucking a goat.
Minion: I was explaining the hazards of his job.
Bend, Oregon
Boss: I’m not the one who brought up fucking a goat.
Minion: I was explaining the hazards of his job.
Bend, Oregon
Coworker to boss: I’m starting to feel like not being nice and not being so understanding to Jennifer*. You’ll either have to give me a pep talk about politeness in the workplace, or give me permission to be a bitch.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: End of the Rope
Health clinic employee: That woman is one kooky cracker!
Manager: I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t call our patients ‘kooky.’
Health clinic employee: But you and Dr. Horowitz* call patients ‘crazy’ all the time. What’s the difference between ‘kooky’ and ‘crazy’?
Manager: I just don’t want you to call our patients ‘kooky.’
Health clinic employee: It’s still alright to call them ‘crackers’ though, right?
104 Market Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Female accountant: I’m allergic to chocolate.
CFO: Really? My daughter is allergic to — how does she put it — ‘Wrinkly nuts.’
7887 E Belleview Avenue
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Did anyone else hear that?
Boss to tardy employee: I’m going to write you up with a verbal warning.
Employee: … Wait. What?
Boss: Don’t be smart.
Burnet Road
Austin, Texas
Professor: It smells like fall, doesn’t it?
Student: It smells like depressing cold and the inevitable onset of winter.
Brandeis University
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I didn’t smell anything
Grunt #1: I need to get some…
Grunt #2: Rum?
Grunt #3: Echinacea?
1 World Financial
New York City
Supervisor to employee: I’m sorry. I don’t speak retard.
588 N. Gulph Gulph Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Poor Guy
Manager to waiter: What are you doing up here? Go in the fucking kitchen so I can fucking beat your ass.
Italian Restaurant
Olney, Maryland
Employee: I’d like to work the booth. I could be good at that. I’d like to travel, and go to trade shows.
Manager: You’d have to educate yourself so you can speak to clients about what we do here. You’d also have to work some weekends.
Employee: Do I get paid?
Manager: You get travel for free – meals, hotel, airfare.
Employee: Wow.
Manager: And of course your regular paycheck.
Employee: Is this scheme widely known in the company??
Rochelle Park
New Jersey
