2PM Be­hind Sched­ule

Co-work­er: I think from now on, I’m go­ing to speak in the third per­son about my­self, and I’ll call my­self “An­gry Chi­nese clam.” An­gry Chi­nese clam is most dis­pleased with your ac­tions.

120 North La Salle
Chica­go, Illi­nois

12PM Lunch

Ac­coun­tant: This chick­en [Sue] brought in is yum­my. I’m just go­ing to take a break to eat it here rather than take it back to my desk. I don’t trust my­self not to get my pa­per­work all greasy.
Su­per­vi­sor: That’s why I’m go­ing to make a sand­wich out of it.
Sec­re­tary: Oh, I don’t care about greasy fin­gers. All I do is han­dle in­com­ing checks all day.

401 Church Street
Nashville, Ten­nessee

Eh, What­ev­er, He’ll Be Dead be­fore He Can Com­plain

Nurse: The pa­tient in Room 39* re­quest­ed a vis­it from a Mor­mon priest.
Chap­lain: Re­al­ly? I’ll have to call one, give me a mo­ment. [Opens note­book] Ah, here we go. [Di­als phone, waits] Hi, this is Chap­lain Smith* at the hos­pi­tal. I’m call­ing about a pa­tient who would like a vis­it from a Mor­mon cler­gy-per­son. I haven’t vis­it­ed with the pa­tient, so I don’t know if he is a mem­ber of your con­gre­ga­tion, but he did specif­i­cal­ly re­quest a vis­it from a Mor­mon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this mes­sage. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a mes­sage on their voice­mail. I won­der if the Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es check their mes­sages of­ten.
Nurse: Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es…?
Chap­lain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: an­oth­er wit­ness

3PM Smoke Break

Ac­count Ex­ec #1: Your hair looks short to­day. Did you wash it this morn­ing?
Ac­count Ex­ec #2: Yeah, I con­tem­plat­ed not wash­ing it, but I de­cid­ed I should.
Ac­count Ex­ec #1: Fri­day is­n’t a hair wash­ing day.
Ac­count Ex­ec #2: Well, I did­n’t wash it yes­ter­day.
Ac­count Ex­ec #1: [Lucy] can go a cou­ple of days with­out wash­ing her hair.
Ac­count Ex­ec #2: A cou­ple of days?
Ac­count Ex­ec #1: Well, it’s more or less a ques­tion of whether or not her scalp is sweaty and smelly.

171 Madi­son Av­enue
New York, NY

4PM Hire New In­tern

In­tern: I’ve got to start look­ing for a job.
Sec­re­tary: Did you talk to your Place­ment Of­fice about net­work­ing?
In­tern: They sent me some con­tacts. But they were in the Pa­cif­ic.
Sec­re­tary: Did you con­tact them?
In­tern: I don’t even speak Japan.

1010 Gra­tiot Av­enue
Sag­i­naw, Michi­gan