5PM Do I Need to Send You to HR Again?

Coworker to boss: Look at my naked juice! (pause) It's got protein!

Phoenix, Arizona


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4PM Career Tip: Google Is Your Friend, Dearreader

Peon #1: Is "data warehouse" one or two words?
Peon #2: One.

Texas


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3PM What Happens to You When You Watch Too Much Kathy Griffin

Attorney on phone to male co-counsel: Helloooo my little queen! Did you get that fat bastard on the phone?

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Lady Lawyer


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2PM He Rated My Rack "Fair and Balanced"

Female suit: So I was on the elevator with him, and had to explain to Roger Ailes why I was in a bra and panties.

FOX News Headquarters
Manhattan, New York


Overheard by: Newsbunny


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1PM Oh. That Diet.

Overweight female employee: I can't have more than two cupcakes because I'm on a diet.

Marlborough, Massachusetts


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11AM Next: Learning from Sarah Palin

Office drone to another: I learn something new from John every day. I forget what he said now, but I can repeat it right after he says it!

Plainsboro, New Jersey


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10AM Um, Out Of What?

Young female intern to male supervisor: Hey, Tom*, can I make your future baby?

Louisiana State University
Baton Rouge, Louisiana


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9AM Australia Has Libraries?

Office girl on phone: I know, she's such a fucking whore! Oh, I really shouldn't swear in public. (pause) Yeah, but you're allowed to swear, you're at a train station. You get a different clientele at train stations to libraries...

Wollongong Library
New South Wales
Australia


Overheard by: Smootle


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5PM And the Cocaine's All Stuck in It.

Audit manager: This must be the original! I can see some snow-flakey stuff on it.
Auditor: Eh?
Audit manager: You know, what do you call it... Correcting tape.
Auditor: Oh.

Wellington
New Zealand


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4PM How Texans Admit Stupidity

Cubicle dweller on phone: Watching movies is my version of speed reading.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: notaduhme


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3PM ...Have You Ever Seen One Of Their Action Movies?

Disembodied female voice: But there is cheese in China!

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mous


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2PM Sigh. Story Of My Life.

Office drone, surfing the net: I can't find an image of a woman in a prison jumpsuit that would fit in a shopping cart...

Manhattan, New York


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1PM I'm Also Reluctant to Stick It in My Ear

Coworker: The word "aural" just doesn't feel right in my mouth.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Trying not to be sent to HR


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11AM ...To an Israeli Customer?

Cube dweller #1, on phone: "Yes, "h" as in "Hitler."
Cube dweller #2: Wow... Did he really just say that?

Kansas City, Missouri


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