Bartender: I was sitting at the bar having a beer before work, and an old lady came up and gave me the nicest compliment.
Manager: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Bartender: She told me that I was a very pretty girl and I should get up off the barstool and quit being a slut all my life.
Manager: So, she really called you a slut.
Bartender: Well… I guess she did.
405 N Interurban Avenue
Richardson, Texas
Person in cubicle: Is that your cell phone?
Person in next cubicle: No, it's my mouth.
Austin, Texas
Editor to another: You’re killing me. Why don’t you just cover yourself with tapioca and let the birds eat you?
Beaumont, Texas
Male coworker on phone with female worker: Did you get your areolas clean yet? No! Sorry! I meant did you get your area clean? I was going to offer you some Lysol!
West Sam Houston Parkway
Houston, Texas
CR manager: I don't want some bulky thing, a 2-incher ought to do it.
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: Cubical Dweller Pita
Boy: I don’t like Oprah. She’s kind of racist.
Girl: Oprah can’t be racist! She’s black!
Boy: Were your parents related?
Girl: What’s that got to do with anything?
710 West San Augustine, Deer Park High School
Deer Park, Texas
Overheard by: Ian Jacoby
Regional Director: I’m so sorry you had to wait, I was on the phone then my assistant got me off. Did she offer you anything?
2800 Post Oak Boulevard
Houston, Texas
Tech guy: It will take Zeus and all his pissed off gods going in and throwing all sorts of thunderbolts to straighten this out.
1 Dell Way
Round Rock, Texas
Vet tech #1: Aren’t there a lot of castles in Pennsylvania? I was watching a show on TV about all the castles there.
Vet tech #2: I think you’re thinking of Transylvania.
North Lamar Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: pooper scooper
