The Point Is, It Would Make Me Happy If You'd Stop Hitting on Me

Straight guy: And why would I be happy turning gay?
Straight girl: Duh!
Straight guy #2: “Gay” means “happy!”
Straight guy: (silence)
Straight guy #2: “Gay” also means “gay.”
Straight guy: I fail to see your point.

Quorum Drive
Addison, Texas

Posted on April 18, 2015
Friends, Questions, Sexuality, Texas, Words

But Here at Mengele Inc. That’s Okay

Manager: You know butadiene is a reproductive toxin, right?
Peon: A what?
Manager: Reproductive toxin — it causes sterility.
Peon: Okay… You know, maybe we should sterilize that town… Wait, was that out loud?
Manager, laughing: Yeah.

Houston, Texas

Posted on April 11, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Insults, Texas

It's Not Like You Can Study for a Urine Test

Male coworker: I heard you failed your test.
Female coworker: I didn't really fail. I just got like a really, really low score.

Houston, Texas

Posted on April 10, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Texas, Words

…When Giving Your “Good Things Come in Threes” Lecture

PR director to sales manager: I hope you weren't thinking about my nipples.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: just keep walking

Posted on April 8, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Executives, Possible Sexual Harassment, Texas, Wishes

How to Make a Texan's Head Explode

Young female coworker: Don't take me seriously. I mean, seriously!

Austin, Texas

Posted on April 6, 2015
Advice, Coworkers, Texas, Words

Craig, Definitely

Project manager: So, when Janet* gets it from both sides next week… Do you think that is what Craig* and Barbara* really want?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: The Quiet Consultant

Posted on April 6, 2015
Default, Employees, Office Politics, Questions, Sexuality, Texas, Words

Better Throw in the Bone, Too

Customer: I’ll take this sushi and the spicy chicken with brown rice.
Girl at counter: Do you want dark meat or sub with all natural chicken breast?
Customer: I don’t know — it’s not for me, it’s for a coworker.
Girl at counter: Is it a guy or a girl?
Customer: A guy.
Girl at counter: Just get the dark chicken. He’ll never tell the difference.
Customer: He’s gay.
Girl at counter: Oh. Then get the white meat.

1303 South Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Pracca

Posted on April 5, 2015
Customers, Default, Employees, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Sexuality, Texas

Society Would Crumble without Hypocrisy

Coworker #1: You don’t believe in the five-second rule?
Coworker #2, who dropped a chip and threw it away: I do, just not when people are watching…

Richardson, Texas

Posted on April 4, 2015
Coworkers, Philosophy, Texas

Is That Legal in Texas?

Boss to underling: My backdoor needs a special screw. I need a backdoor screw. I gotta have a backdoor screw.

Greenville, Texas

Posted on April 4, 2015
Bosses, Offers and requests, Texas, Weirdness, Wishes

Tough Pregnancy, Al?

Guy #1: All that movie is about is white people punching their wives in the face.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I think it would be more fun to punch your wife in the stomach then in the face.

Woodlands, Texas

Posted on April 3, 2015
Body Parts, Cinema, Employees, Family, Texas, Violence