Curious office worker: How was your poop?
Man who just finished pooping: It was a magnificent log. I could have paddled across the Atlantic on it.
Curious office worker: Just the Atlantic?
Man who just finished pooping: Yeah, I'm out of shape.
Curious office worker: Oh.
Aberdeen, Maryland
Coworker to table: Guys, as much as I love talking about poo, do we have to talk about it every meal?
Los Angeles, California
Yelling large lady in yellow shirt, entering bathroom: Dontcha wish you were a bird so you could just take a crap whenever ya wanted? (slams door) You could shit on the floor, on people's heads, never have to run and hope ya make it!
Temecula, California
Girl #1, entering bathroom stall: Sorry, I didn't feel like peeing next to you.
Girl #2, without skipping a beat: Oh, that's okay.
Salisbury, Maryland
Guy, waxing lyrical in bathroom stall: Plop plop. Piss piss. Another dump I slowly dismiss. Although they don't smell like flowers, I can do this all day cause I'm paid by the hour.
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Joe the average
Woman to coworker: Did I tell you? My New Year's resolution is to always remember to wash my hands before I leave the bathroom.
Princeton, New Jersey
Lady in stall: I am on the toilet! I am biting the bullet! I am making a song about poo! What does that say about you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
Coworker, on voicemail: It started yesterday before I left work, but it just got worse and I spent all night on the toilet. Well, on and off the toilet, it was coming out of both ends if you know what I mean. Anyway, I'll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say I'm going to be working from home today. I need to lie back and relieve some of this pressure in my abdomen.
Denver, Colorado
Female cube dweller #1; I just got back from the bathroom, I had to do three things.
Female cube dweller #2; Ummmm…
New York City, New York
Guy peeing at urinal, looking over at another: So…what did ya call this meeting for?
Other guy peeing: Uhhhh…what?
Nashua, New Hampshire
