You Can See the Blue Screen of Death behind Her Eyes

Office wench: I ordered those things you wanted!
Boss: Did you?
Office wench: I think…
Boss: Thanks.

513 Progress Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: cubical dweller

Posted on June 15, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, General Idiocy, Maryland

4PM Research Executive Therapists

Peon: I am stealing this.
CEO: Why?
Peon: Because I have to send it somewhere and you stole it when you went on one of your frenzies and now that you are calm I am sending it away.
CEO: But why did I go off?
Peon: Like I ever know why you go off. It is just something you do. I just wait until it passes and do what should have been done before. It is just the way it works.

407 East Gude Drive
Rockville, Maryland

Posted on June 11, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, General Idiocy, Maryland

Since We Already Play Poker With My Sobriety Chips

Coworker: I forgot to bring a water bowl for [my dog], do you have anything?
Boss, cheerily: You can use my “15 years sober” bowl!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: widget

Posted on June 1, 2015
Animals, Bosses, Coworkers, Default, Maryland, Offers and requests, Questions

And the Screen Went Black After I Poured the Last Of It in

Coworker, calling IT department: Hi, I am running low on pixel fluid for my monitor.

Hagerstown, Maryland

Posted on May 25, 2015
Colors, Coworkers, Maryland, Tech People, Technology

What Passes for Nightlife in Baltimore

Office girl #1: Last night, when I went up on my roof to smoke, I saw the masturbator again.
Office girl #2: I’m coming over!

Eutaw Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Posted on May 24, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Maryland

Hours Later, Bloody and Rumpled, They Declared a Truce

Managing director: Did you meet Daron* yesterday?
HR recruiter: Daron?
Managing director: I introduced him to you yesterday.
HR recruiter: Who?
Managing director: I did.
HR recruiter: No, you didn’t.
Managing director: … Maybe I’m going crazy. You know — Daron, with the dreads.
HR recruiter: With what?
Managing director: Dreads. You know — dreadlocks.
HR recruiter: Oh, I hate those.
Managing director: What? Dreadlocks have been around since the Bible.
HR recruiter: What?
Managing director: Since Samson and Delilah. Samson had dreads.
HR recruiter: Who did?
Managing director: Samson!
HR recruiter: You mean Daron?
Managing director: Who?

6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Ren

Posted on May 20, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, General Idiocy, Human Resources, Maryland, Physical Appearance, Questions

Um, Yours Is Eating His Shoe.

Mother of freshman student: California kids are different. They are very different. They're just a different type of human being.

Loyola University
Maryland

Overheard by: Exhausted Admin

Posted on May 18, 2015
Family, Family members, Geography & History, Maryland, Weirdness

I'd Pay Ten Bucks to Hear Will Smith Read the Phone Book

Employee on phone: Last name is “Loveless,” as in Artemus Loveless from Wild Wild West. You know, the movie with Will Smith? (awkward pause) Well, I loved the movie.

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: WillSmithFan1