Employee #1: Is Thailand really a type of land?
Employee #2: I think it’s a city in… China, maybe?
Employee #1: Ohhh.
Post office
West Palm Beach, Florida
Employee #1: Is Thailand really a type of land?
Employee #2: I think it’s a city in… China, maybe?
Employee #1: Ohhh.
Post office
West Palm Beach, Florida
Coworker #1 looking at a nickel: What the heck is this?
Coworker #2: It’s about the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Coworker #1: Didn’t they eat each other?
Wichita, Kansas
Teen clerk: The TV commercial said it is a two-day sale. What day of the week is Twoday?
Adult clerk: Not ‘Twoday,’ but one day plus one day equals two days for the sale.
Teen clerk: Oh, okay… Then what two days of the week are called ‘Twoday’?
5760 Highway 80 E
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Customer: I’m looking for a special kind of bead.
Bead store clerk: Okay, can you describe it?
Customer: Well, it’s flat and has four holes in it. I know there’s a name for them, but I just can’t remember it. You can sew them into clothing…
Bead store clerk: Do you mean a button?
Customer: Yes! Do you have buttons?
Bead store clerk: Um, no.
Newport Village
Port Moody, British Columbia
Canadia
Girl #1: Um, where is your baby?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Your baby — where is it?
Girl #2: Shit.
Girl #1: You forgot it, didn’t you? You know those things have computer chips in them that register every time it cries or burps or poops, right? Your grade depends on that chip’s happiness!
Girl #2: Um, I think I left it in my boyfriend’s truck… since Thursday.
Home Economics class, Ironwood High School
Tucson, Arizona
CFO with faraway gaze: It would be a lot of fun to defraud people.
535 8th Avenue
New York, New York
Chinese immigrant driver: Everyone is talking about gay marriage. What is ‘gay’?
Lady driver: It’s, uh, when two men or two women like each other in a, uh, sexual way.
Chinese immigrant driver: Oh! We don’t have that in China.
Calgary International Airport Parkade
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Girl Driver #2
Consultant on phone: When you fill out this skills assessment form you may find you have skills you don’t have.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Coworker over intercom: It’s been brought to our attention that there is a downed power line in the courtyard. Please avoid it when walking between buildings. [Five minutes later] An addendum to the last message: Please avoid walking between buildings if possible. [Five minutes more, fire alarm going off] Okay everyone, we’re going to evacuate Building One*. Everyone please calmly make your way to Building Two*.
Boss screaming in background: No, no! The other door! Not that way!
5600 Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Someone in the other building…
Coworker #1 : Yo, did y’all know Robert E. Lee was an Aborigine?
Long pause.
Coworker #2: Do you mean ‘abolitionist’?
Coworker #1: Oh, yeah.
1434 Larimer Street
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: John Howard
