General Idiocy

Actually, He Just Likes to Look at Himself in the Reflection

Coworker #1: Yeah, my DVD won’t record my VHS tapes over to disks. I was messing with it all night.
Coworker #2: Well, DVD players sometimes have different formats — maybe you just didn’t get the right format.
Coworker #1: Here are the disks I was using. Are these the right format for my DVD recorder?
Coworker #2: These are CDs. Where did you get these from?
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: You need to get DVD disks, these are for music.
Coworker #1: I just want to put my VHS tapes on DVDs, and it’s not working.
Coworker #2: You bought CDs, you need to go and buy DVDs to do that.
Coworker #1: I’ve been working on this for the past two days.

Chicago, Illinois

Okay, Everybody Charge Things to This Dude!

Cashier: … And do you have your Hudson’s Bay credit card with you today?
Gangster #1: My what?
Cashier: HBC credit card. It’s gold.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man. I think so. Uhhh… Is this it?
Cashier: No, that’s your MasterCard. I’m looking for the HBC card, if you have it.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man, HBC! They always be sendin’ me bills in the mail and shit, you know, and I don’t even know why!
Gangster #2: Dude, that’s HSBC. That’s the bank.
Gangster #1: Oh.
Gangster #2: You don’t even know the difference, do you?
Gangster #1: Not really. So, like, one has an S and one doesn’t have an S, right? Is that it?
Gangster #2: No, it’s completely different.
Gangster #1: Well, so what, man? I still gotta pay the bills whether it has an S or whether it don’t have an S, right?

Zellers Lansdowne Mall
Richmond, British Columbia
Canadia

I’m Just a Sub and Usually Teach Calculus

History professor after a long explanation: But I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, though.

University of Tulsa, 600 South College Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma

So I Can Relate to You Guys Who Know Nothing

Information technology director to management team: You know me – I’m not real technological.

125 S Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi

China: We’ll Put It Right Next to Tibet

Employee #1: Is Thailand really a type of land?
Employee #2: I think it’s a city in… China, maybe?
Employee #1: Ohhh.

Post office
West Palm Beach, Florida

Hey, What Happens in the Louisiana Purchase Stays in the Louisiana Purchase

Coworker #1 looking at a nickel: What the heck is this?
Coworker #2: It’s about the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Coworker #1: Didn’t they eat each other?

Wichita, Kansas

Answering Took a Calendar, a Highlighter and an Hour

Teen clerk: The TV commercial said it is a two-day sale. What day of the week is Twoday?
Adult clerk: Not ‘Twoday,’ but one day plus one day equals two days for the sale.
Teen clerk: Oh, okay… Then what two days of the week are called ‘Twoday’?

5760 Highway 80 E
Pearl, Mississippi

Overheard by: Brain Dancing

Too Far up the Pyramid of Technology

Customer: I’m looking for a special kind of bead.
Bead store clerk: Okay, can you describe it?
Customer: Well, it’s flat and has four holes in it. I know there’s a name for them, but I just can’t remember it. You can sew them into clothing…
Bead store clerk: Do you mean a button?
Customer: Yes! Do you have buttons?
Bead store clerk: Um, no.

Newport Village
Port Moody, British Columbia
Canadia

I Probably Would Never Do That with a Real Baby

Girl #1: Um, where is your baby?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Your baby — where is it?
Girl #2: Shit.
Girl #1: You forgot it, didn’t you? You know those things have computer chips in them that register every time it cries or burps or poops, right? Your grade depends on that chip’s happiness!
Girl #2: Um, I think I left it in my boyfriend’s truck… since Thursday.

Home Economics class, Ironwood High School
Tucson, Arizona

God, I Miss Marketing!

CFO with faraway gaze: It would be a lot of fun to defraud people.

535 8th Avenue
New York, New York

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