Patron: Ummm, I’m looking for a book.
Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it’s called?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?
Patron: Yeah.
Librarian: You know you’re in a fuckin’ library, right?
Austin Public Library
Austin, Texas
Employee: Thank you for calling Jimmy’s Pizza.
Customer: Hi, yes, do you serve pizza there?
Employee: … Uhhh, yeah… Yes, we do.
4th Street
Albany, Minnesota
Overheard by: Keira
Coworker: I’m trying to open an email attachment and the virus software isn’t letting me because it says it has a virus. Can you come turn off the virus software so I can open it?
IT chick, shocked: No!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Coworker #1: Ugh, it feels like Monday!
Coworker #2: It is Monday.
Coworker #1: Oh. Still…
7231 Parkway Drive
Hanover, Maryland
Man: Hey, do you know what ski-shooting is?
Lady: Ski-shooting?
Man: Yeah… Ski-shooting… Where you shoot at things while you are skiing.
Lady: Do you mean skeet-shooting? They don’t ski and shoot… They shoot at clay disk things.
Man: Oh, is that what it’s called? So they don’t ski while they are shooting?
Lady: No… But when you try it let me know. I want to see that.
St. Louis, Missouri
Chemistry student: You know what? Every year I hear about global warming, and then, like, three months later, it gets cold again!
Class: [Stunned silence.]
Parkland High School
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Out-Of-Here-In-Six-Months
Cube worker #1: I think I found the secret project.
Cube worker #2: Mine?
Cube worker #1: You have a secret project?
Cube worker #2: Uh, no.
390 North Robert Street
St. Paul, Minnesota
German teacher: Well, we’re going to have to relocate to another classroom for a while. It seems there’s a rat problem in this one.
Student: Are you going to gas them?
Glenunga International High School
Adelaide, South Australia
Employee #1: Yeah, she didn’t have the info I need yet, so I’ll have to circumvent with her later.
Employee #2: Circumvent? Do you mean circle back?
Employee #1: Circle back? That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why do I always take the blunt of your jokes?
1025 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
Coworker: I can’t get my thingy on my dilly to pull out so I can get the thing to put on my paper! Can someone help me?
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
