VP: So are you ready to service me yet?
Peon: Yes, I am ready to pleasure you now.
VP: Sounds good; is [Alex] ready too?
[Alex]: Yes, m’lady, I too am ready to provide you my services.
VP: Let’s go get started in the blue room, then.
8441 Wayzata Boulevard
Golden Valley, Minnesota
Overheard by: Sam Racadabra
CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I’ve ever had!
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Admin Assistant K
VP: I don’t necessarily want you to improve one thing by 100%, but if you improve 100 things by 1% you will still have made 100% improvement. That’s all I ask.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Producer, on phone: I don’t know how to make this more clear: Eat the bugs! You have to eat the bugs! Open your mouth, plug your nose, and shove the bugs in your mouth!
6727 Odessa Avenue
Van Nuys, California
Pregnant manager: Are those peanut butter eggs, or just chocolate eggs?
Account exec: They're some of each. But we're not telling you which is which.
Pregnant manager: That's okay. I'll just eat them all.
Augusta, Georgia
VP #1: You’re not listening to me
VP #2: Yes I am!
VP #1: No you’re not, whenever I try to ask you a question you’re on the phone!
VP #2: Why can’t I multitask?
VP #1: Because you’re lousy at it and I’ll have to ask you three times!
30 E 33rd Street
New York, NY
Female VP: I have about three nanoseconds to get to the washroom before everything goes very wrong down there. (later, walking back into the office, announces loudly) I made it!
Toronto
Canadia
VP: Are we going to continue to flog ourselves with the same blunt instrument?
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Executive director, discussing clients: We can't touch them physically, but we can touch them with things.
Louisville, Kentucky
VP, after phone call: What are these guys, incompetent? [Looks at phone] Is that thing hung up?
Ventura and Balboa Boulevards
Encino, California
Overheard by: Wish I didn’t work in the Valley
