Shop assistant: Have you got the measurements?
Old woman: My husband put them somewhere safe.
Shop assistant: He can't find them?
Old woman: He died.
(awkward silence)
Shop assistant: I'm sorry.
Old woman: He always was inconsiderate.
Fabric Shop
England
Maintenance dude: Is it okay if I borrow your post trolley for a second?
Cubicle girl: Sure, if you don't mind how gay it is.
Cambridge
England
Peon #1: Alison just asked me how we get a washing-up brush for the kitchen.
Peon #2: I have put a request through CAFM, so hopefully they will order one for us.
Peon #1: Can you order a little holder for it, too?
Peon #2: Hmmmm, I will put a request in and see what facilities say.
Peon #1: Thanks!
Peon #2: Sorry, but what will the brush be used for?
Reading
Berkshire
England
Colleague #1: Just put it in your mouth!
Colleague #2: No! I've licked it and I don't like it.
Chippenham
England
Overheard by: Betty
Coworker #1, after big move: Hey, we've got another box empty.
Coworker #2: Great, we can use it for these mystery files until they've got somewhere to go.
Coworker #1: Really? Um, I was going to start building a fort with it.
Sheffield
England
IT salesperson #1: So basically, this opportunity is like looking at a really big cow in a small field!
IT salesperson #2: But the question is: do we cherrypick, do we take small bites at the cow…
IT salesperson #3: Or does the really big bull just take a running jump at it?
Newgate Street
London
England
20-something male cube dweller on phone: Hi, this is…hello? (pause) Oh, wow. No, sorry, I just heard your tone of voice and thought I should have been paying 4.99 for the call. (laughing) Is your mom home, or is she on her way here?
CRPC
Leeds
England
Overheard by: cubenerdery
Curator on cell: So, have you found the dead artist yet?
Art gallery
London
England
Co-worker: I just thought of a cool new club idea. There’s a big warehouse-sized room with strobelights and trance music, everyone has a bicycle and is naked.
Monson Way
Tunbridge Wells, Kent
UK
Trainer: ‘Charismatic.’ That’s onomatopoeic.
Employee: What?
Trainer: Onomatopoeic. Like, when I say ‘chocolate,’ you can hear it.
Fenkle Street
Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Kaethe
