Company owner: I don’t shove anything up my ass unless it costs at least 50 dollars.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Company owner: I don’t shove anything up my ass unless it costs at least 50 dollars.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Female coworker #1, sobbing in bathroom: I can’t believe he’s dead!
Female coworker #2: Neither can I!
Female coworker #3: Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
Senior female partner, entering bathroom: Having a bad day? [Coworkers #2 and #3 nod.] You know what works for me?
Female coworker #3: Oh… Yes? What would that be?
Senior female partner: I put one hand over my heart, and the other hand over my stomach. I breathe in deeply. I then say to myself, ‘I’m here. I’m right here, right now.’ It works every time! I feel better straight away! [Long silence, then] Okay, well, [waves goodbye and leaves].
Female coworker #3: Wow. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
Collins Street
Melbourne
Australia
Boss: Hey, my mouse arrow is reversed on the screen.
Worker: What…how?
Boss: If I go this way, it goes that way…Oh, never mind, I was holding it upside down.
10199 Riverford Road
Lakeside, California
Boss on phone: I was thinking about trying one of those vibrating condoms…Yeah, i’ve heard they are really great…Yeah, reusable. At least I’d re-use them, I’m not paying $15 for one time!…Yeah, I know. I just need to find a guy. I was thinking of calling [Keith] to see what he’s doing on the weekend.
113 Wicks Road
North Ryde, New South Wales
Australia
Manager: …because sometimes we get communications via electronic sending, sometimes through the telephone system.
650 South 6th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jeff Anderson
Boss: By the way, I changed a lot of your code, so if it breaks, that’s why.
5720 Green Circle Drive
Minnetonka, Minnesota
Boss: There’s no ‘I’ in ‘unity’! Wait… There’s no ‘me’ in ‘team’!
Employees: [Laughter.]
300 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
Project Manager: I can’t get my numbers to balance with yours.
Budget Analyst: How much are you off by?
Project Manager: About a million.
5000 Ellin Road
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Cantabile
Boss: What you are talking about only adds up to 10% of snake shit
compared to the problems we have.
Meeting: …
2000 West NASA Boulevard
Melbourne, Florida
Boss: It’s not like she’s moving to another state; she’s just moving out of state.
70 Charles Lindbergh Boulevard
Uniondale, New York
