Default

Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?

Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher

Angry manager: I’ve got more important shit in my life than that goddam coffee can.

New Mexico

Coworker #1: My plant doesn't need any water!
Coworker #2: Sometimes I wish I had a mute button for her!
Coworker #3: Bahahahahaha!
Coworker #1: You do have a mute button for me, asshole, it's called your own cube!

Des Moines, Iowa

(two bosses are arguing)
Coworker #1: They are going to kill each other.
Coworker #2: Good, then we don't have to be bothered with them anymore.

School of Dentistry
University of Michigan

Overheard by: I love my job, I love my job, I love my job

Support dude: You find the darnedest things in your trunk when you open it up!

1650 South East Street
San Bernardino, California

Overheard by: Greg Short

Male coworker: I picked a hell of a day to stop taking amphetamines.

Buffalo, New York

Middle-aged female coworker #1 (refering to animatronic witch decoration): June*, how do you turn the girl on?
Middle-aged female coworker #2: It's in her pants… I don't remember, the front or the back.

Bridgewater, NJ

Overheard by: Slightly Concerned

Office lady: So you're supposed to get the information from the X-file.
Office guy Do you mean from the Excel file?
Office lady: Yeah, sure.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: intern # 46942

customer enters to see manager.
Employee: Let me go grab him. Manager enters.
Employee: Oh! He grabbed himself!

Bellingham, WA

Girl #1: Well, her parents did give birth to her.
Girl #2: Which parent?!
Girl #1: … Her mum.

England

Overheard by: Rachel Wills