Despite Still Wetting the Bed.

Worker #1, about friend's two children: I like Mike, he's a cool kid. Jake, though, just scares me.
Worker #2: Me too! Serial murderer material.
Worker #1: Yeah! He's probably just this misunderstood, clinically depressed kid that nobody loves because he is so ugly. And underneath it all, he's probably a lovely person, but the world will never know because of two bitches like us. Oh, who am I kidding? He's a psychopath, and you and I are awesome.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: lurking in the shadows

Posted on March 5, 2020
California, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Family, Physical Appearance, Weirdness

They’re Doing a Piece on the Renaissance of the Whoopie Cushion

Editor: Never mind the farting sounds you heard from across the hall. They’re nothing to worry about.

353 Sacramento Street
San Francisco, California

Posted on February 28, 2020
California, Consultants, Gossip

12PM Meeting

Program Director: I’ll have to re-look that back up.

50 Beale Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Office Cog

Posted on February 18, 2020
Bosses, California, Time Management, Words

Disingenuousness Is Part Of My Professional Persona

Receptionist, on phone: Ocean View* Escrow
Processor: Darlene* please.
Receptionist: She’s on the other line. Would you like to hold?
Processor: I’d love to.
Receptionist: Really?
Processor: Not big on sarcasm, are you?

1950 Sawtelle Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Matt

Posted on February 16, 2020
California, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, On the phone, Receptionists, Strangers

Are You Sure You Don’t Mean Joseph Smith?

Voice over loudspeaker: John Smith, please report to baggage claim to meet your wife and girlfriend. John Smith to baggage claim, meet your wife and girlfriend.

Oakland Airport
Oakland, California

Overheard by: Meg

Posted on February 14, 2020
California, Employees, Family, Offers and requests

Our Tastes Are Disturbingly Similar

Warehouse supervisor #1: Man, my computer at home is running slow.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Why, what's up?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I downloaded some porn but I had to delete it so my wife didn't see it.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Okay, so what's the problem now?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I found pron that was downloaded by my wife.
Warehouse supervisor #2, laughing: Guess you're not the only neglected one in the house.

California

Posted on February 6, 2020
Bosses, California, Compare and contrast, Family, Sexuality, Technology

10AM Work on Prints

Engineer: How much longer will you be using those prints?
Safety Manager: Five minutes.
Engineer: What if I borrow them for three minutes and then give them back to you?
Safety Manager: I’d say yes, but you won’t give them back in three minutes. So, no, you can’t borrow them.
Engineer: You’re so much like your dad, it’s not even funny.

186 Gilman Avenue
Campbell, California

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on January 30, 2020
Bosses, California, Comebacks, Engineers, Gripes, Insults, Offers and requests, Time Management

In a Vain Attempt to Distract Me

Worker: Sexual relations-wise, it's been a while.
Friend: Oh, really?
Worker: The last time was the Superbowl, cause I remember she blew me at halftime.

Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Posted on January 29, 2020
California, Friends, Sexuality, Sports

Put a Nice Potted Plant on It?

Fashion designer girl #1: I really want a bookshelf, but I don’t have any books.
Fashion designer girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.

8360 Melrose Avenue
West Hollywood, California

Posted on January 28, 2020
Advice, Bimbettes, California

As Santa Often Says…

Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.

5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Legal Ho’

Posted on January 24, 2020
California, Crimes, Suits, Violence