Coworker, about near-collision the night before: Mark*, I swear when I looked back last night you weren't pulling out! (entire office collapses in giggles)
Hailey, Idaho
Coworker, about near-collision the night before: Mark*, I swear when I looked back last night you weren't pulling out! (entire office collapses in giggles)
Hailey, Idaho
Coworker #1: I had to have a spinal when my child was born.
Coworker #2: I had an epidural, but I could still feel my coon.
Coworker #1: You call your stuff a coon? Do you offer your “coon” to your husband?
Coworker #2: No, I just say, “you want a shot of leg?”
Coworker #1: Gross.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: bigcutebeachgirl
Cube mate to another, about program: How are you hung?
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Worker #1: Did you hear about the industrial accident the other day?
Worker #2: No, what happened?
Worker #1: A cable broke and took out his whole left side!
Worker #2: Oh no!
Worker #1: It's okay, he's all right now.
Marysville, Washington
Overheard by: Noah
Radio host: Just give me hand signals–5 fingers, 5 minutes left. 4, 3, 2, 1.
New producer: Okay, but I'm using whichever finger I want for “one minute.”
Varrick St
New York City, New York
Younger coworker: Oh, had her water broken?
Grandmotherly coworker: No, not yet.
Younger coworker: So, what was all the liquid then?
Grandmotherly coworker: I don't know. She's just juicy, I guess.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: Sorry I caught up with them
Coworker: Hey, do you remember how big his package was?
Boston, Massachusetts
Manager: Come here, I've got a job for you.
Employee: I've got a job for you, too. (pause) And bring some chapstick, I don't like the lips to chafe.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Pizza girl
Male coworker #1: Well, we played with it enough, it's not hanging out as much.
Male supervisor: Yeah, if you beat on it enough, eventually these things go in.
(uncomfortable silence)
Male supervisor: Do you think I could go see it?
Male coworker #2: Yeah, just make sure you don't pull on it!
Richland, Washington
Overheard by: I think they were talking about a server…
Woman #1: So my phone rings at like 2 in the morning and I was sleeping, so now I’m fricken pissed that my phone is ringing at 2 in the morning. It’s one of my husbands friends and he says, “I need a place to stay, I just got kicked out of my house. My brother–” blah, blah, blah, blah. So I told him he could stay for a few days, but only for a few and then he had to leave. So he said he’d be right over, and I waited and waited and waited. Well, the son of a bitch never came…So that ruined my whole fricken night! So my husband is still asleep, and I haven’t told him yet that his friend is staying at our house, but he wasn’t here yet so…So I go on doing my usual morning shit, and I go out to get the paper when something on the porch catches my eye. It was a bunch of garbage bags, and I’m thinking, “What the hell?”. Tom brought the garbage out, why the frick would he put it on the porch? So I walk over to go and put them in the garbage bin, when I see this huge man sitting on my porch. It was Tom’s friend, and I asked him how long he’d been out there. He said, “Since 1 AM.” And I’m thinking, “Jesus Christ, thank God my neighbors didn’t call the goddamn police.” I mean I can just picture this man sleeping on my porch, he’s so damn big…So I had this beached whale on my fricken porch all night long. So then I asked him if he wanted some coffee, and Orca comes in the house and tells me he got a ride, and that I needed to drive all the way out to Springville to get his van. His van that had no gas. Meanwhile, I still need to tell my husband…so I go in and I wake him up and I said, “Congratulations hon, we have a 400 pound baby boy.” He just looked at me like I was fricken nuts. So after I explained everything to him he came down, and you know…blah blah blah. I make the couch up for Orca and I put down some clean sheets, well the next morning I come downstairs and…he was laying on my couch with no shirt on. Ugh, I’m going to have to burn my couch. You don’t seem to understand how big he is. His stomach wasn’t even touching the couch. It was hanging off of it. When he sits down his belly button reaches his nose. He could probably use it as a beer holder. Well I hear this whirring noise and he’s got on a fricken oxygen mask, and honestly I didn’t know he couldn’t breathe…I mean, the man seems to smoke and drink just fine. But literally his stomach is so huge. He’s got a dickdo.
Woman #2: A dickdo?
Woman #1: When his stomach sticks out further than his dick do.
1695 E. Ave
Buffalo, New York
