Manager #1, to temp: So, listen — you’ll be in charge of the department today while we’re at an all-staff meeting. But ain’t no cameras here, so you can use this space to roller skate while we’re gone.
Manager #2: Yeah, or stand on the desk.
Manager #3: Or take a doody.
15th Street
Washington, DC
Secretary: Can you believe the new temp said her favorite movie was Blow?!
HR director: I am not familiar with that. Look up ‘blow’ on Google.
Accounting manager: I wouldn’t do that if I was you.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Reporter #1: How should I identify a chicken at a press conference? There was a guy in a chicken suit who refused to give me his name.
Reporter #2: If it was a guy in a suit, I think you’d have to call him an ‘Unidentified chicken impersonator.’
400 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Jack Ace, reporter-at-large
Boss: So, I decided that when I turn 40 I’m going to not swear as much, and I only have a week left!
Assistant: Yeah, say ‘fuck’ a lot.
Boss: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… That’s my favorite word ever!
Portland, Oregon
Queer boss to new female employee: Don’t waste your time being a man who has sex with women.
Boston, Massachusetts
Hiring manager: I think I need to go have some fun.
Training manager: If you want to have a good time, you need to come into my office! … If you want to have some fun… [Face turns red and she walks into her office.]
2835 Decker Lake Boulevard
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Cubicle spud
Guy training hostess to roll silverware: Do you know how to roll a blunt?
Hostess: No…
Guy: Well, it’s pretty much the same way.
Mexican Restaurant
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Hilary
Female coworker: First of all, 6:30 is not after work, and second of all, there is nothing wrong with going to your hair appointment shit-faced!
851 Coho Way
Bellingham, Washington
Proofreader: Joe*, I’m confused.
Typesetter: Are you? That’s perfectly normal.
140 East 45th Street
New York, New York
Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
