Concerned lady coworker: How is Ellen*? Did she find a new job yet?
Ellen’s boyfriend: No, she hasn’t even looked. Her self-esteem is really bad right now.
Concerned lady coworker: Awww — you have to tell her she’s beautiful every day.
Ellen’s boyfriend: No! I can’t do it. I won’t do it!
Concerned lady coworker: Come on, lie to her. I’m sure you’ve lied to women before.
11442 West Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Female coworker: That's it. I'm going to the store and get some tampons. I'm tired of stuffing toilet paper in me.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Office drone #1: I see you've got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn't, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
Cube rat #1: Just buy your damn cereal! Order it and it'll be here in days.
Cube rat #2: And the Honey Bunches of Oats truck is right across the street.
Cube rat #3: I'm just too lazy to even go down there.
Cube rat #1: I have Raisin Bran and Corn Pops at home.
Cube rat #3: I haven't had pops in literally five years.
Cube rat #1, angrily: What?
Cube rat #3: I have nothing against the pops. I just haven't had them.
Cube rat #2: Gotta have my pops.
Cube rat #1, singing: Pops are money!
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Worker, entering building and chuckling: I already wiped ya clean one time!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Female intern: Another intern?
Male manager: Yup. You're not so new anymore.
Female intern: What's his name?
Male manager: Dick.
Female intern: Really? I know a Dick.
Male manager: Do you?
Female intern: Yeah, I know like three Dicks!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: this wun guy
Office monkey #1: Wow, there’s another hot chick walking into the building.
Office monkey #2: I know, how’d we get stuck on the floor with all the uggos?
1555 Wilson Boulevard
Arlington, Virginia
Worker bee #1: Is that a PlayStation Three?
Worker bee #2: Yeah.
Worker bee #1: Those are hard to come by. I bet you had to beat off a lot of guys in the store to get that one.
Worker bee #2: [Silence.]
150 Granby Street
Norfolk, Virginia
Cube guy on phone: Should I e-mail you when I have another dump?
Fairfax, Virginia
Assistant manager over speaker: Lesbian to the front please! Lesbian to the front register!
Eckerd Pharmacy Robin Hood Road
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: But my name is Leslie….
