The Hazards of the Octopus Calendar

Female supervisor: Ewww!
CCR: What?
Female supervisor: I was trying to find January, and I got ink all over me!

1 Ivybrook Boulevard
Ivyland, Pennsylvania

Posted on February 6, 2008
Bosses, Customer Service, Gripes, Pennsylvania, Time Management

That’s “Mr. Bag” to You

Employee #1, 45 minutes after asked to perform simple task: Here are those documents you wanted. All the copies are underneath the one that’s on top of it.
Employee #2: Listen, shitbag — I was actually hoping to go to lunch today, so spare me the retard explanations, please! [To another employee] Do we have an ODP employee section we could put her in?
Employee #3: Nah. We’re still just using that dumpster out front.

132 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on January 25, 2008
Coworkers, Gripes, Insults, Massachusetts, Time Management

Out of What?

Junior art director: I have 44 minutes to make a baby.

303 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: wha?

Posted on December 31, 2007
Employees, Illinois, Time Management

Friday Afternoons Quickly Degenerate into Hide-and-Seek

Assistant: What are you up to?
Boss, gleefully: I’m fucking about!

Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on December 12, 2007
Australia, Bosses and Underlings, Time Management

FEMA, Is That You?

Engineer: What’s the time frame on this? I don’t have time for it right now.
Project manager: ASAP, but it can wait for now.

Von Karman Avenue
Irvine, California

Posted on November 30, 2007
California, Coworkers, Time Management

Then We Can Stop Being Brilliant

Analyst: We’re brilliant when we have nothing better to do than to be brilliant all day.

870 Market Street
San Francisco, California

Posted on November 9, 2007
California, Compliments, Consultants, General Idiocy, Time Management

I Notice You Didn’t Mention Anything About Sobriety…

Worker #1: So, what time do you usually stroll into the office in the morning? I’m assuming you’re not an eight AM guy…
Worker #2: What makes you think that?
Worker #1: I’m older — I know things.
Worker #2: And because I sprint into the office ’cause I’m always late.
Worker #1: So, what time is safe for a meeting? Meaning you need to be able to one: talk, two: listen, three: understand, and four: ask questions if you have them.

336 Robert Street
St. Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on October 30, 2007
Coworkers, Minnesota, Time Management

Mind If I Watch You Work?

Manager: Hey, you got a sec?
Developer: What’s up?
Manager: I’m trying to figure out how much to charge the client for that new feature. How hard would it be for you to add it?
Developer, smirking: I can do it in 10 minutes… with my dick.
Manager: Sooo… about five hundred bucks then.

543 Richmond Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing new guy