Texas

Mentor: You really shouldn't wear shorts to work.
Intern: I know, but I had to.
Mentor: Why?
Intern: It was raining.

Oil Company
Houston, Texas

Male teacher: This is retarded.
Female special ed teacher: Did you actually say “retarded”?

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Fellow Teacher

Coworker, preparing to go to cemetery: I need a go-to funeral dress.

Dallas, Texas

Cube mate #1: Get some rest tonight. We have to look good in front of the boss at the charity bowl-a-thon tomorrow.
Cube mate #2: Are you bringing your balls?

Sugar Land, Texas

Senior developer: This code is all wrong. But it's predictably all wrong.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: non-coder

Peon #1: Is “data warehouse” one or two words?
Peon #2: One.

Texas

Office dude to another: Get out of me!

Waco, Texas

Attorney: It's already been filed with the court! It has a file-mark on it. You can't un-file something!

Austin, Texas

Voice #1 over cubicle wall: It's white, but it turns pink when it's wet.
Voice #2: Yeah, but when you let the sun shine on it, you never know.

Greenville, Texas

Middle-aged salesperson: It's “sal-mon.” It's spelled s-a-l-m-o-n.
Young salesperson: I'm pretty sure the “l” is silent.
Middle-aged salesperson: No, no, no! You need to go back to school like I did to learn how to properly pronunciate things! It's sal-mon. With an “l”!

Haltom City, Texas

Overheard by: Jdub