Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm… You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: scd
Guy on phone: I’m single, I’m not tied-down, I’m Italian — what the fuck else do you want?
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: tmg
80-something husband: Did you get the Viagra?
80-something wife: [Mutters something inaudible.]80-something husband: Well, did you get the prescription for the Viagra?
80-something lady sitting nearby: He’s aimin’ for tonight!
2323 Edinboro Road
Erie, Pennsylvania
Creepster hitting on CSA: Hey, there you are again.
CSA, without making eye contact: …Hey.
Creepster: You know what? You so beautiful.
CSA doesn’t respond.
Creepster, with spittle flying from between front teeth: Has anyone ever told you that you’re very photo-generic?
Animal Hospital
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: another CSA
Coworker: Why won’t any sex offenders talk to me?
1334 Dodge Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Coworker #1: So, Mr. Ericson* says he is going to send in pictures of his fence to show the problems he has with it.
Coworker #2: Yeah, well, I checked the email. He didn’t send us pictures of the fence.
Coworker #1: What did he send?
Coworker #2: Pictures of himself, half-naked.
Coworker #1: Well, I’m not fixing that.
Atlanta, Georgia
Man screaming into cell and gesturing at the wall: I’m beneath the fucking girl with her fucking panties around her ankles! How could you miss me?!
Outside civil courthouse
Miami-Dade, Florida
Overheard by: also standing beneath the coppertone ad
Old man: So, this was a good queer movie.
Video store clerk: Ummm…
Old man: Where are the other movies about dykes and queers?
Video store clerk: Ummm…
Old man: I want to know if they are really sexy, though.
Cedar Street
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: silenced
Man: Are you 21?
Teen girl: I’m 16.
Man: Oh, I was going to buy you your first in-flight drink.
Woman sitting behind them: I’m her mother. You can buy me a drink.
Flight from Michigan to Phoenix
Overheard by: Enigmae
Female coworker: I’m so tired of being alone but it’s impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.
Male coworker: Who?
Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.
Male coworker: Oh he’s been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?
Female coworker: Didn’t I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he’d been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn’t want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.
Male coworker: Maybe because he’s a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?
Female coworker: There is that…But I bet he wouldn’t have bored me.
Small town, Washington
Overheard by: i’m lonely too – but not that lonely
