Third grader: Teacher, Tameka* is being nasty.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Third grader: I asked Eric* to use his dictionary, and she started laughing.
Teacher: Which means…?
Third grader: She was thinking something nasty.
Teacher: You mean, you can read her mind?
Third grader: I don’t know how to explain…
Teacher: Did she say anything out loud?
Third grader: No, but she was thinking nasty stuff.
2351 East Redwood Road
Ceres, California
Overheard by: an observing teacher
Sales guy on phone: An inch and a half between the legs? … Yeah, that sounds pretty big for that size rod. … Are you standing it up like a horseshoe and measuring it? … Okay, let me get you some prices and call back.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: It’s a fastener thing.. you wouldn’t understand
TA: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine a woman. Now, what does she look like? Give me features.
Student #1: She has dark hair.
TA: Okay, good. Anything else?
Student #2, enthusiastically: She’s naked!
301 Heller Drive
Santa Cruz, California
Intercom: Please remember to leave all distinguished butts in the can behind the south building.
14255 49th Street North
Clearwater, Florida
Secretary: Does your vagina ever get so dry that it twitches?
Passing associate: Uh…
Portland, Oregon
20-something guy whispering to 20-something girl: … And I’m not saying this from personal experience, ’cause I’ve never actually had a blowjob…
400 N Capitol Street
Washington, DC
Female coworker: Did you hear that Bobbi lost her father?
Chorus of ‘Awwws’ from other coworkers.
Male coworker: Why doesn’t she look in her cunt? Everyone else seems to have been in there.
Ruby Tuesday’s
Carle Place, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Teacher’s aide: Where did you find the sticky, gooey stuff (Tacky Finger)?
Secretary: In my drawers.
Contour Road
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Interning scientist #1: Dammit, I can’t find my spleen! I lost my spleen!
Interning scientist #2: Well, I have extra spleens — you can have one of mine if it works.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: HK
Lawyer to secretary: Now, you treat my sex offender nicely. He’ll be here with his one-armed wife later.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Alex
