US suit: …a dedicated router.
UK suit #1: I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s actually “roo-ter”.
US suit: A rooter is a swine. If you’re going to be in America, speak English.
UK suit #2: Two hundred years, and they still haven’t gotten it yet!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Sales guy: …and then five years later, I’m into benchmarking.
Legal: That’s funny, when you said “Benchmarking” I heard “Bitchmarking”…sorry, ladies.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Customer: So where in the instruction manual does it tell me to save the receipt?
Customer Service Rep.: You’re kidding me, right? You mean to say that you have to be told to save your receipt?
Customer: Yes, I do.
Customer Service Rep.: So, if you were to go out and buy a roll of toilet paper, it would have to say “Tear here, wipe there” or else you wouldn’t know how to use it? Because both are pretty much common sense, sir.
835 41st Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: christiana (while doing remote observations on customer service calls)
Texan suit: I’m looking for that Can Do attitude, not Can’t Do.
British suit: Fuck off.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker: How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t do that? It’s like adding apples and morons.
2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee, Virginia
Overheard by: jordan
Co-worker #1: She isn’t listening to you.
Co-worker #2: I know, she never does. She’s like a robot fueled by diet Coke.
Android: It’s called focus. Look into it.
87 McLea Court
San Francisco, California
Field manager: So Utah is what, 2 hours behind us?
VP Research: No, they’re more like 25 years behind us.
85 E Street
South Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Brian Brinegar
Co-worker: I need to file like a mofo.
11 W. 53 Street
New York, NY
Male co-worker: You might want to take a few lessons on domestication…Life is unfair, and you’re still a woman.
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink
Customer: Well, maybe I could find something at a lower price that needs fixed up. I do a lot of remodeling work.
Real-estate agent: Sir, if you’re a carpenter you won’t be able to afford anything in this area.
Customer: I’m a contractor and I have more money than I know what to do with. If I say I’m going to climb into your ass and renovate, that’s what I’m going to do.
109 Lafayette Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Dirtpatch
